I was at home on Sunday... lazying around surfing on net. Then i realise he is online! After for so many years out of sight... manage to see him online today. We chatted for awhile and I know after all somethings about him are still the same. I can still remember so much things between us.
We exchange our greetings and via messenger and suddenly he makes me think of him so much. The things we used to do, the email we used to exchanged, the places we used to go... the place where we used to lay.
My emotional hype is up again... its like an unstoppable wave.. Out of sudden, I have the urge to go KL to find him, to see him, to be in his arms again.. I'm glad he is well and i hope he is even better off there :) When you love someone, i really wish him to be happy doing what he really wants. Whether I am beside him or not. It doesn't really matter anymore.
He is still the same :) and i know he is used to be so independent. Aww.. i miss him... i miss the time when we are together.. how he cook breakfast for me.. send me home.. how we give each other a few good tease.. i know its never going to come back. So what if i go over and spend sometime with him? That will not guarantee anything. I know it will make parting more difficult. I hate goodbyes.. its hard to forget someone who used to give you so much to remember for..
Sometimes i wonder is it the person i am really missing or the feeling he gave me? Marc has been a good lover. Like most man, he always like to keep things to himself. Sometimes how i wish i can take away whatever he is thinking with a wave of a wand.
I know i got to hold it together.. i keep telling me to move on and be strong. Been through hell for the past two years.. nobody knows. But i kept fighting... i kept holding on. I tell myself i must not be defeated by circumstances that is so over-whelming. I need a good sleep. How i wish if just by sleeping, problems and heartaches will disappear! I know it wont work this way :S dream on maybe.
I miss him.. I am missing him... wish I could turn back the clock and bring time to a stop.
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