Moving Foward 2014

Staring at my lappy for almost an hour... delete back and forth the spaces in between those key boards..  I have never been so out of words.  But now where do i begin?  Where do i go from here?  Seriously i dont know. 

As one day i was making my way to work one day... a thought dawn in my mind.  What am I going to do if i ever had another 40 years to live?  What kind of life i want to lead?  What kind of legacy i really want to leave behind?  Am i going to fight for the change that i long to be the person?  Or i can still be the same me for the rest of my life?  Serious thoughts huh?  I think so.

Glad that Joyce is back!  I miss hanging out with her when she is around.  She seems to see through me with her "x-ray" eyes and at times i feel so "bare infront of her".  I thank God for good friendships despite of the distance between us.  Had a dinner gather that night with Lou and Joyce, Sharon is out of the pic as she had her eyes lasik.  I have always enjoy those dinners with the girls ... especially we do really talk about serious stuff apart from those Korea Dramas etc..

During the dinner table, I shared with the girls about my love life etc...  First Amos the famous.. the man whom i almost got married.. but thankfully it didnt.  Dont know why i felt liberated when he left.  I guess he is a bridge between God and me when i was out of the world.  Lou was kidding maybe he is the one cos we are behaving like best buds.  Come to think of it.. OMG we have known each other for long 14 years and i see him "grow" through the years.. But in my heart i beg to differ... i think we our Kairos time is over and now i know we can just be a good friends to share life with.  I know he is not the one :)

Andrew :-  That long lost friend whom i got reunited recently.  At first i dont feel anything much from him.. but as times goes by i really thought he is the one for me.. how on earth can it be so concident?  Though he is not a tenth but i think to me he is :) He is smart chap and prudent.. what i want in a man i almost found in him. God allow us to meet after 20 years.. and he almost got into my company..  But then it took a turn.  He decide to go back BKK his heart is there and he cant promise me anything and he doesnt know which part on the earth he will be?  He is the one who has cause my still heart to flutter.  I miss those late nights and conversations that we had while he is in Singapore.  I guess its not the same anymore.  I will wish him well.. who knows once again we will meet again?  Even though i dont harbour any hope of being with him... i am happy if he is happy.  It doesnt matter i guess.  There must be a reason for every detours and scars.  God will write straight with crooked lines ...

Coming back to the dinner table, the gals ask me what kind of changes i want to see... Lou gave a very good example of how Sab wanted a child badly and she is so persistent with her prayers and requests seeing and believing etc.. and finally God gave her twins!  Lou told me that is really how bad you wanted to see changes in myself, and with much defensive i told a politically answer.. but i know my fences are up. so high till no one can easily comes in.

Then Joyce has said something that it caught me unguarded, she say that i dont love myself, i told her no i love myself but she rebuted that my heart is like playing hide and seek... trying to open and close with those people i know.  And was so vunerable to be hurt again.  Actually she was spot on.  I was afraid.  Afraid of loving and opening up.  Afraid of losing weight.. emotionally my fence are high.  All thanks to B who has hurt me.  I am not what i am now.  The real me is hidden inside so scare to come out.  And everytime i try, its really so painful to see the light and i crawl back to my comfort cave.  I hate this.. but i am so helpless .. no one can walk this with me.  I have to do it alone.  I wonder when will i come out of the rut?  I hate this body!  But i have been carrying it like a hermit home for years.  I am so afraid of losing it.  What if.. what if...  too much i need to break free from this.  I wanted ~ my spirit is willing my flesh is so weak!  Darn!  At least Joyce is stepping out of her comfort zone... Kudos to her!  I know what lies ahead of her seems to be uncertain but i know when she takes smalls steps, God will be with her giving her the breakthrough she yearn for.  Its a matter of choices and how desparate one wanted to get out of this situations.  I am sure she will excel and i hope she will make good friendships there :)

After all, I know God is still faithful.  There are so many things in life to be thankful for.  I am grateful, God didnt abandon us even when we feel so lousy.  He has given me much even I dont have any expectations for.  He is love and I know He knows how to bring us back home when we are lost and helpless. 

Something i penned :~

Stay close to the Father, oh my soul stay close
Though hearts may falter but His love never will
Stay close to our Abba, oh my soul be heal
He will surround you with His love and let your soul be still

Wild @ Heart

               Needless me to say?  I think woman are like wine.. the older they get, the better they become :)

Zumba Rumba ~ Towards A New Me. 

Today I decided to do something quite unusual of me, I decide to try Zumba out at home.  I have heard that this exercise is very tiring and it causes you to sweat like crazy... so I decide to try.

Oh well, it is so tiring... I literally sweat like a pig.  During half time through this exercise, I have alot of mixed feelings.. I have to cope with my panting breath and yet I have to go against all odds of the muscles pain discomforts.  I begin to cry half way while exercising, not because its painful or difficult, but its the layers of shield that I have been putting high up like "Berlin Wall" trying to fence out any emotional attacks from the past.

I used to be a "normal girl" I wasnt that big like what people see me now.  The little girl that is within me lives inside of me and I just wanted to eat my way out to feel comforted, to have a form of protection for me from getting hurt.  Emotional eating is bad, but seriously is comforting.  Food has been my best fren and comfort for many many years... People come and goes in my life and I cant help to feel used and abuse by them..  but I can say food is my only constant source of comfort whenever that "seasons" came.

I felt painful emotionally.  Because this girl who has been hidding inside the skelton closet is coming out surely but slowly.  Its a painful process.  Every exercise that I do it brings me closer to facing my past, a place that I hate to re-visit.  But I cant run away forever anymore.  Its like going through circles round and round and unless I break it, life will have no new continuity for me.

Last time I have tried to exercise and take pills, but the motive behind it was to look fab so that I may get my dream man and live a fairy tale life...  I failed terribly as I know I am not facing the root of my problems.  Wake up Chris, in life there are no fairy tales!

This time, I desire to change.  I want to be a better me.  Not that I want to have a fairy tale ending anymore (but if it happens, it happens).  But I realise that as you age, health is very important.  I wonder what was I thinking when I was gorging with all the good old junk food having stored in my body for years!?? What was I thinking?! 

Jane has known the truth long ago and it set her free :)  It took me so long to realise it!  I hope is not too late to start again!  She has been my so call "trainer" but I have failed terribly hehehe... 

I was doing for myself, I wanted to love myself too.  I know I havent been treating her well :( with all those food abuses.  I also wanted my parents to be proud of me at least for this.  I really wanted to be a new me... I am scared, but I will go through it layer by layer...



God knows how painful the process is... From emotionally eating disorder to getting it right for the first time.  I am just tired of all life nonsense.  Sometimes an escape to the "wild" may do me good.  Sometimes I wonder what have I not done that I deserve trial after trials... 

Like what Mother Teresa say: Life is a challenge, Meet it!

Everyone goes through tough times, and sometimes when we thought that its an end.. but is only a bend at the other corner where we may find happines.  I really wish that all of us will be happy.  Happiness is an inside job!  I really want to be happy!  Love Life, Love People & importantly Love God!

Now I know why God has allowed me to shift to new office...  This new shifting in office to Outram has allowed me to meet a new friend, Jennifer.  She is "God sent" for this season of my life to help me to face my ugly past once again.  God really does works in a mysterious ways.  We thought that we have come to the end of ourselves but there is always something new over the horizon.

So many feelings have surface this few weeks... I wish I have someone to talk too...  I know I am alone yet not alone.  Dear God, my life is in You, my strength is in You and my hope is in You, in You.. is in You.

Pray together with me, Stay together with me as we continue this life challenges journey call LIFE <3>

Old Year / New Year

Cant really believe it.. how time files.. Now is coming to mid June 2013.  I have been lagging yes and slagging and lazy and busy and have somehow neglecting my blog for quite awhile.  How should I start?  How should I begin?  Too much thoughts that I needed to shout it out loud. 

2012 has been a so so year for me... here it goes...

Career Life :- 

Most of friend always tease me a job hopper.. and I really beg to differ :)  I guess everything in life always happens for a reason and somehow I begin to wonder why God does things in a different ways.  First I left Pfizer for a perm job in a God forsaken place like end of Tuas .. going there to work is like going to the ends of the earth.. Freaking far.. woke up 530 am daily and it has always caused me to have sleep deprivation.. hahaha.. but I guess I am happy there so to me it doesnt really matter.. my colleagues are nice and "happening" party lots last year.. from beer market to Shanghai Dolly to Pump Room etc...  I was happy settling well in there but what the???... just before I was about to put my foot down in a place.. a sudden global change came and I have to say bye bye to my company as I was the last one to come and first to go.  How cruel isnt it?  Oh well.. i just have to move along with the sail when the storms of change come. 

I guess no one can really understand how I feel and many often I guess I am always being misunderstood... Actually I dont care much nowsadays how people will see me as long as I know what I am doing who are they to judge?



I Miss You Guys..



Moving on to John Crane God knows I needed a job, and by His grace I got a contract job this time in Town. Love the people, my colleagues are nice to me. Maybe I sow a seed of kindness to them thats why i always believe it always comes back to me. The stint of stay is not long again not becos I was fired, but I have something more permament. 

This Indra.. super cartoon.. lol

Lunch in office

Another mischevious team

3 Musketers

My Metrosexual boss

A jump shoot ~ Jump! Jump! Jump ~!

 

We love Zul!

So moving on.. I am now in a new place... I was not really used to it at first.  This company is so freaking lean and everything I have to do :)  I guess I am a surviour now I am at my 9th month here in Williams Lea.  The colleagues are as crazy.. so is my boss.  Nice eligible chap.. I always tease him.. cocky outside ... softy inside.. haha.. I always feel that my career has always been on the move.  Unless there are much changes again?  (which I hope not please God) I will move on.  Well we will never know when it will come?  I just have to enjoy the journey wherever I am :)

Family :-

Flaunting Dad's chain :)

Tim Sum Affair

Poker faces

Cousins are like another siblings that I never had :)

Last year I celebrated my birthday with my cousin as our dates are near to each other.  I was happy that my sis actually bake a cake for me!  How cool is that? Hahaha.. I think I am very bless to have her around.  Though we may not see things eye to eye at times but we know that we love each other :)  I guess sisters are God's gift and no matter what blood is always thicker than water. 

Happy Birthday to Us!

I often think of my other siblings that I have yet to meet.  I wonder how they look like?  I always wanted a big brother to protect me, I am not sure my siblings before me are boys or girls? I thought about them and how good it will be to have a bigger family unit.  I remember sometime this year I read a book Heaven Is For Real.  And this boy goes to heaven and saw Jesus.  And along the way, he has met people whom he have never met.  When I reached heaven one day, I know I will see them :)

Teary though but I know they are in heaven with God.  I will see them one day... wish there is a telephone to call heaven.. some of my love ones are there.  God will keep them safe.

With the new addition to the family, my niece has aways been the centre of our joy!  I guess nothing beats the feeling of having her.  Have been waiting for her arrival and now ... she is coming 3 years now!  Such a hottie isnt she? hahaha.. Yes it runs in family!

Friends :-

I guess friends does play a big part of my life.  Even though many people may think that i have alot of them.. But to find a loyal and faithful ones are so few.  I admit I can be fun loving and do all sorts of crazy things around friends but when I am alone, the real me surface out.  Sometimes I wonder who am I?  What you see is not what you get.  I am much deeper than they think :) but I wish I am simplier.  Maybe life challenges has made me who I am today. 

Along life pathway, I have some good friends whom I love to hang out with... some are far distance away yet they feel closer compare to those who are near... some are near yet so far.  Some seems close yet not so close.  Some are busy with their life affairs.  Oh well that is life.  It goes on and no matter what seasons you are in time will always change.  Here are some of my bestiest.. some pics of them i havent got the time to find. 

 

Seaons of Love

Now i really believe what Lou say about how God can speed things up and slow things down.  One of my bestiest has finally been hitch to her man of dreams.  This relationship has been tic-a-tact.  And my gf has taken the courage to express her thoughts out to him.  And in the fullness of time, he finally say yes to her and I know they will live happily ever after.  She has so much love to give and he is likewise.  They are nice couples and I am so happy for them.  Good things come to those who tarry.

Today, i was awake in the morning after when i saw their text and messages in FB, so many people congrats them and i could feel that love is in the air.  I somehow have a mixed feelings...

I cant deny the feelings that I somehow felt forgotten.  i know that i have to get used to the fact that once we are close friend are no longer that close anymore.  Someone has shared a space in between us.  Which means I will see her lesser, no more block busters movies with her.. no more musuems and things that we love to do and shared many things in common which most of my gfs like certain movies but not musical or visit museum...  I have to come in terms with this feelings.  I know that when she has found someone, it will no longer used to be the same anymore.

Am i angry with God?  Hmmm i really lost the ability too and really know what is it like to show my small fist at him?  I am just tired of waiting.. tired of life... tired of everything.. I was talking to ah ma today about my operations and in my heart i wish i will never wake up!  Hope God will just take me home right away!  But what if someone is waiting just round the corner?  What if im alone for the rest of my life?  What ifs? What ifs???  So many thoughts shouted acrossed my mind today and i really need to get away..




I went for a swim today at Lou place in the evening time.  How i love her pool and the tranquality there..  I was alone in the pool not many people is there and i swim my heart out today for almost an hour!  Followed by a Carl's Junior dinner, oh well... thats my comfort food!

Saw Joyce text today and its so comforting to talk to her!  I think friends like her is hard to find.  Someone that is objective and truthful and not afraid to tell me about things that she can be transparent with.  Its really true that friend that are miles away are much closer than those who are with me.  By talking to her makes me feel better.. all those crappy jokes we tease about each other in apps..  hahaha.. oh well.. thats why even for us.. it takes chemistry to be good friends :)  I know that both of us have challenges ahead.  One is love forloned.. and the love one is home sick etc and maybe more.... hahaha... i think dude its okay to hide in the cave but dont hide too long if not cobwebs will clog your cave and u have harder time to find your way "home" :)

Only if i have a pair of wings i will fly over the moon and find you :)

I hope you will come back soon and i promise you a "concert of a life time"... hahaha...

Oh well... thanks for listening and after all the lamenting.. pack up and embark on new directions :)  its hard la i know.. esp for me, seeing friends one by one getting hitched.  But oh well until i have found my Romeo I know true love waits.

 This is a dream catcher.. they say when you sleep it will catch your dreams.  I hope tonight as we rest we will be able to catch the good ones and discard the bad ones.  After all, life is a journey to be enjoyed and while reaching our final destination, lets keep walking the walk of faith.

Nite folks.  Its been a real hell of summary of what has been happening and guess what?  Beloved is calling.. i am entering in...

Love ~ Singapore Tiger Hiang...

What Love Is This?  Everytime when i hear this.. it makes me remind me of how much God loves me.  Thank you for your love unconditionally towards me.

Just Once.

Well... here is the song and this is how i am feeling now.. Just once.

听说爱情回来过...

He Is Back.

I was at home on Sunday... lazying around surfing on net.  Then i realise he is online!  After for so many years out of sight... manage to see him online today.  We chatted for awhile and I know after all somethings about him are still the same.  I can still remember so much things between us.

We exchange our greetings and via messenger and suddenly he makes me think of him so much.  The things we used to do, the email we used to exchanged, the places we used to go... the place where we used to lay.

My emotional hype is up again... its like an unstoppable wave.. Out of sudden, I have the urge to go KL to find him, to see him, to be in his arms again.. I'm glad he is well and i hope he is even better off there :)  When you love someone, i really wish him to be happy doing what he really wants.  Whether I am beside him or not.  It doesn't really matter anymore.

He is still the same :) and i know he is used to be so independent.  Aww.. i miss him... i miss the time when we are together.. how he cook breakfast for me.. send me home.. how we give each other a few good tease.. i know its never going to come back.  So what if i go over and spend sometime with him?  That will not guarantee anything.  I know it will make parting more difficult.  I hate goodbyes.. its hard to forget someone who used to give you so much to remember for..

Sometimes i wonder is it the person i am really missing or the feeling he gave me?  Marc has been a good lover.  Like most man, he always like to keep things to himself.  Sometimes how i wish i can take away whatever he is thinking with a wave of a wand.

I know i got to hold it together.. i keep telling me to move on and be strong.  Been through hell for the past two years.. nobody knows.  But i kept fighting... i kept holding on.  I tell myself i must not be defeated by circumstances that is so over-whelming.  I need a good sleep.  How i wish if just by sleeping, problems and heartaches will disappear!  I know it wont work this way :S dream on maybe.

I miss him.. I am missing him... wish I could turn back the clock and bring time to a stop.

Walking with Him

Find Me At The Cross

Happen to chance upon this song in FB posting last night.  Somehow tears seems to flow uncontrollably when I heard this.  Used to sing this song in Church during my younger days.  Oh how it brought me back to the place I used to love Him so much.

There is always forgiveness and love in Him I know.  Sometimes when the rut of life gets hold of us, we tend to lost sight of Him.  Out of sight.. Out of mind.  But I know He is always there.. The gentle still small voice still resides in our hearts today.

Like what the song says.. I wanna to walk with Him in my heart.  The walk maybe daunting and seems long and unending.. the road can be bumpy and rough.. but I know its all worth the walk.

Many had lay down their lives and the baton has been passed down to us.  Its up to us to walk a life worthy of our calling. 

God, please give us strength to walk this road call life.  We may get bruise with cuts at times, but let our love for You be ever so strong. 

Keep us oh God as the apple of your eye always and may your grace always abounce towards us.

Love U.
C

Happy New Year!!!!

2012 has finally arrived! Thank God for this new coming year, i have never been so excited or held on with so much anticipation... i just know this year is going to be a HOME RUN for me :)


How nice it is to kick-off this year with a family gathering... i just love my cousins and my family. I always thank God for all the people that have come across in my life.



Life is about builiding relationship and building people. I guess i have learnt to let go with people critisim and offenses.. cos i believe what goes around comes around, its just a matter of time :)

HOPE

I guess what sums up my life in 2011 is this word HOPE. This is what it keeps me hanging by the edge whenever i think i am about to fall over. Hope keeps me going.. keeps me anticipating that no matter how trashy the situation or circumstances we are in, it always keeps me going .. and believe that tomorrow the SUN will shine upon me again..

Winter has been too cold and long for me .. and i know my Spring time is coming.. i can feel it.. i can feel the breeze blowing on my face.. i am able smile and to run across the field and smell those flowers again.. i know God is able.. He is able to aid me to get out of this rut im in..

Its true, what Joyce told me tonight.. if its not for God.. we would have not make it. And we would have collapsed if we havent been held on to HIM. I believe whatever things i have gone through, God has already prepare a way and solutions for me.

2010 / 2011 has been the worst year, and im still paying for my silly mistakes i have made.. but its okay slowing but surely i will get there and i am getting there... God watches over me :)


Just when i thought that i am settling well in this job i have been in for 5 months... another restructing took place. Actually, i feel very disappointed and sad, this is a job that i thought i will be in for a long time. For the first time, i really enjoy what i do and enjoy all my relations with most of my working peers.. just that i thought my life has already "arrived" and set in place... Another adventure awaits me.. i was confused.. i was mad.. i was thinking what have i done to deserved this?

I have been faithful, fruitful in my work and .... But i have come in terms with the reality that i will be leaving this company soon. Everything happens for a reason.. i really dont know what is God's sleeves up too again.. i just got to seek Him out.. those who seek Him will be found by Him.. But i know He is faithful.. i am pretty excited yet afraid.. i really dont know where will i be landing up into this time? He surely has scares me hell alot of time.. but each time my heart got stronger and braver :) I know He is for me..

On the lighter side...

This picture is taken by my ex-colleagues many many years ago.. and somehow it was the "talk of the town" that time... It was re-surfaced to me recently by my ex-colleagues again.. hahaha.. yes.. its Shriek and Princess Fiona.. all my colleagues have been teasing me and Andre that many years ago.. and they took this picture and sent it over to us... so funny... when i look at this picture.. fond memories flooded into my mind.. hahaha... yes i used to like Andre... but he is not my Shriek after all.. hahaha... i believe my Shriek will come this year.. some day ... some how.. hahaha.. and we will be in our ~Far far away land.. someday..

Okay, so much for tonite.. im going to my dreamy land.. before i hit the sack.. i am going to find Him.. I just want to be HAPPY.

In Him I Trust.

GoodBye 2011 & Welcome 2012

I guess the excitement is over :) i suppose everyone is fast asleep in their bed or still out there having supper after 2011 countdown. As for me, i so wide awake. Not sure why, but too excited to sleep. Reflecting 2011, how it was really over and was never coming back! Thank God for a brand new start this year.

I just want to start the new year right. Hmmm... maybe have to set down some resolutions..?? Sound so old school.. everytime never really diligently keeping it.. haha..

But im excited what is in store for me. Now its a time of challenges ahead. A time of trusting God again in my career and my love life. I guess God works through seasons... if i havent gone through such a rough patch for these past 2 yrs, i wont cling on to Him so tight. Sometimes God redirects our anchor back to him, sometimes is just a time of chassening that we have to go through to get our attention back to God. Come what may i know He's thoughts are always good.

I am living out my dreams.. I want to be whr God has call me to be in.. its a time of trusting again.. for everything. I hope God will continue to shape us and mould us. Its always about Father's love He has for us...

Just as the song it sings.. Becos He live, I can face tomorrow.. Becos He live all fears are gone..

In God I Trust :)

Nobody Knows (Pink)

Nobody knows, nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry, if I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows, nobody knows, no

Nobody likes, nobody likes to lose their inner voice
The one I used to hear before my life made a choice
But I think nobody knows, no noNobody knows, no
Baby, oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?
And I've lost my way back home

I think nobody knows, no
I said nobody knows
Nobody cares
It's win or lose, not how you play the game
And the road to darkness has a way
Of always knowing my name

But I think nobody knows, no no
Nobody knows, no no no no
Baby, oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?
And I've lost my way back home

And oh, no no no no
Nobody knows
No no no no no no

Tomorrow I'll be there my friend
I'll wake up and start all over again
When everybody else is gone

No no no
Nobody knows
Nobody knows the rhythm of my heart
The way I do when I'm lying in the dark
And the world is asleepI think nobody knows

Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me Me

As Far As I Can Remember...

May 2010 - Till current

As far as i can remember... my blog stop on May 10... wow.. its been almost more than a year since i have blog... thankfully its still "alive".. i think i shall be more faithful in my blog.. hahaha..

After leaving NAFA i went to another manufacturing plant.. in woodlands Celestica Electronics, my stint there wasnt long over a period of less than a year? haha.. Work sucks.. the people also sucks they are so superfical.. they just cant wait to see your downfall.. but i guess i meet some really nice peeps there and like every stories there are always villians and heros.. and im thankful that no matter how bad the situation looks at work while im there.. God always have protected and shelter me.

I went Thailand in Aug 10 with Jin. I enjoy myself thorougly... she is a good travelling partner always so accomodating.. stayed there for 4 days 3 nites and then.. finally my niece baby chloe is born on 9 Aug 1o. I was very elated.. i am officially an aunt now :) my sis have suffer 3 miscarriages and Chloe is a champion.

Chole Turns One

I remember praying for my sis and bro-in-law during a service in church and pastor is challenging us to give an expectional offering.. i held my faith that year and i sow a seed.. i didnt ask for anything.. i am just asking God for a mircale to happen in my family. I want to see my sis concieve and have a healthy happy baby.. There she was and im so happy to have here in our lives :) She just turned one and everyday is such a blessing to have her , she is such a darling and joy to our family :) Thank you Jesus, i couldnt have ask for more.

Thoughts...

2010 has been a trying year for me... been through toughest of time alone and nobody knows what hell i have been through. I guess im no longer used to be the person i am now. No longer used to be vocal with my thoughts and feeling so freely make known to my peers... Not that i refused to share or anything, but i guess somethings are left better unsaid.









I was very challenged finacially, emotionally and physcially. All thanks to those wrong decision i have made, those wrong people i have trusted so easily. I guess im letting it go.. im sure they will have their own deserts.. its just a matter of time. All i can do is to look forward and smile :) i think i considered myself to be more self-reliance and stronger. Maybe its hard knocks of life lessons i have to go through..


Sometimes i really wonder and question God why Me?!! I have never done anything bad or harm anyone.. but i know everything that happens, happens for a reason.. i really dont know, but i guess i would someday :) I just wan to let go and move forward, life is abt progression.

Rembering Emma Faith Young

I was sad when i hear about Emma's news. I know no amount of words or comfort could ever make up the way Joyce & Warren are feeling. I feel alot for them, after reading the love letters to Emma, i was tearing uncontrollably and i know it must be so painful for them to go through it.




My heart went out to them and i hope God keep them strong as such a time like this .. i was reminded of my sibilings yet to be seen. I have always thought about them and if they are alive how nice it will be. I just pray that God will keep our love ones safe in Heaven and one day just one day the great reunion will come. Emma will always be remembered :) and i am sure she will always be..



Dear Emma, looking forward to see you one day and then we will all be playing happily together, just as now you are in Jesus arms.. Love ya.. from Aunty Christine.

Joyce's Return

Finally the long wait.. hehe.. my dude is back from Canbera :) I was happy to see her and have spent some quality time with this dear friend of mine! Friendship has always been a part of my life and friends will always be friends.. And im thankful for the colourful friendship each of us has given. We may not be perfect in all ways, that is when we need each other to sharpen and strengthen each character. I still believe good friends do last even through stormy rides :) Cheers to our friendships!

Relationships...

It is such a complicated thing. One can leave with but cant live without. I thought its going to be sure this time.. but life can be so unpredicting ... arrghh... I carry scars in my heart.. my heart has been broken. I have cried and wet my pillows many nights and sometimes i just wonder why is it so hard to find the love of our life?

Sometimes i just dont understand why? Dont we deserve to find our missing piece just like the others? I can go on and on.. aruging my thoughts, but i have decided to be happy in the midst of waiting.. I will wait, God knows how long it take to meet him. Maybe tomorrow? Or never? God knows! I am sure God has the reserved the best for him. He knows what i love in a man and what i dont like.. Dear God, please help us to find our missing piece. Please prepare us i pray.
















Tonight is one of those nights i cant sleep, my heart is full of him.. i guess sometimes somethings arent meant to be.. its time to let God and let go. Courtship is the best time, its always sweet, always feeling butterfiles in stomach, always having him on my mind, thoughts are always about him... I guess its a no this time again sad to say, im more rational, i wan to spare myself from future pain. Its painful.. but is okay. Time will heal and though tears will still fall, heart will still ache... feelings are still intact, but i will move on and live forward. Until i have found my Mr right.. meanwhile I will wait :)






I think im a strong gal inside though i have always think i am weak. Through so many things have happen in my life i still take life on stride. God knows how helpless i felt at times, how much support i needed. If this is a way i am suppose to take, then so be it. Im sure God will not give me things that im not able to bear. He is a good Aba, He will take care of me. Even its going to take a long time :) (well i hope not... hehehe)



Today is the day of 2011.. though its not a good year, many things have happened throughout this year but im so glad its going to over soon! And i am welcoming 2012 with much anticipation!



Dear God, please make 2012 the best year for myself and those people i love :) Amen!