Sense Verses In-Sensitivity??? 3 August 2007, Friday

Someone today did a very insensitive thing to me in cell and i cant believe he has done it over again and again... I was so angry and i went to Siang's house toilet to hide and cry. I cant believe i have done that, all along i thought its okay to let people laugh at, but im sure my emotions has a limit.

Actually i dont blame it on the person who has hurt me... i think he has every right too... Fat people are always bullied and laugh upon so i dont really dont blame him at all.

I tried to hold back my tears but it just kept freely flowing out from my eyes. Till then no one knows what happened and when the toilet door is open... i compose back to my normal self. I thought i have acted very well until.. someone saw through it...

While making our way to have our normal fellowship in the car and i cried quietly not wanting to be console by her. Guess bottle up emotions are not good at all.

In fact this week i am not feeling too good emotionally.. fighting my way out of depression and yet kept on eating and eating uncontrollably... i know its not good. I dont feel good either. No one likes to be fat! But yet being FAT is always the joke of many people.

7 August 2007

I wonder if people is in my shoe.... what will they think? Like today i went to meet up with some of my ex-colleagues.. they do joke about that "wave is coming" while i shift my seat nearer... well.. i just look normal and act blur... but inside im really hurting... fresh wounds that i have been trying to close all these while have cut open up again.

I know they dont mean it just a joke out of it again.. I didnt say doesnt mean i dont feel hurtful? Being fat is a sin too? I dont know.. i tried... i really tried to change but when im depress the tendency then to eat more...I have enough! Should i fight back relentlessly? or should I confront my fears? I really dont know....im very tired... just want to rest...