Sleepless...

Didn't catch much sleep last night.. expected this way.. i tried very hard to sleep.. but i just couldn't. Lying on bed helplessly, monotonously can't control.. it fell on my pillow again and again... its so painful. If loving someone is so forbidden, why do feelings exist then? My mind is full of him. Wanted to call but i didnt. I know i have to put a stop lest i plunge deeper. So irony, what has happen to me? The carefree gal who is so spirited-free? Where has she gone too this time?

Back to office, feeling so tired and yet i have to try to act as normal.. try to look good and try to be 'back' to my normal self. It is so painful to pretend as if nothing has happen when i am hurting... Only through blogging can release my inner feelings.. perhaps after many years when i looked back i will have a good laugh. How silly of me to feel this way. I guess it will be memories that will leave behind.

I should see it as a new begining for me... him leaving... and i will be starting a new environment, new work portfolio, new colleagues and different sets of challenges ahead install for me. Maybe its a good thing for me to start afresh.

I have told him before, whether we are together for good it doesn't matter, his happiness is what matters most to me. Though we can not be together, i still want him to be well.. happy.. successful..healthy :)

Maybe heartache does pescribe separation.. it will take a while for me to get back on my feet again.... I miss him so...but its about time to let him go.