JESUS
Cant get a wink last nite and i kept thinking about HIM. Thinking about what my life will not be if its not for HIM. Talk to HIM last nite and i feel HIM near in my room...
Dont know why this feeling seems so close yet so far.. then took out my hp and wrote this ...
With you...
Let your love washed over me tonight
As i pray and held my hands tight
Let all my insecurities and uncertainties fade
When i live in your presence each day
I long to be with you
I long to tell you what is inside me
My thoughts, my struggles, my feelings
And my everything
Please come inside my heart
And see if it's true that I love you
Lord my life is in your hands
Do it accordingly as you plan
Watched over me lest i stray
I just want to be with you all of my days
Yes its true, its true
My abba I do really love you.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
GOD OF MY FOREVER
God of my youth I remember
Your call on my life took me o’er
Your love has seen me through all my days
I stand here by Your grace
On this altar I’ve written my life
Tells of a story I have with You my Lord
I want the world to know
God of my forever
And forever I’m with You
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever
And forever I will sing
My greatest honor will always be
To serve my Lord and King
God of my all I’ve surrendered
My heart finds its rest in Your word
Praises will not be enough to show
How my love for You has grown
Nothing matters when You’re here with me
In the end just to hear You say “Well done”
Bowing before Your throne
Forever and ever Jesus
You alone in glory reign
Forever and ever
With You I walk this narrow way
God of my youth I remember
Your call on my life took me o’er
Your love has seen me through all my days
I stand here by Your grace
On this altar I’ve written my life
Tells of a story I have with You my Lord
I want the world to know
God of my forever
And forever I’m with You
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever
And forever I will sing
My greatest honor will always be
To serve my Lord and King
God of my all I’ve surrendered
My heart finds its rest in Your word
Praises will not be enough to show
How my love for You has grown
Nothing matters when You’re here with me
In the end just to hear You say “Well done”
Bowing before Your throne
Forever and ever Jesus
You alone in glory reign
Forever and ever
With You I walk this narrow way
Saturday, August 11, 2007
~Reflections~
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day it's as if I play a part
Now I see If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world what's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that
I'm Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think?
How we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that
I'm Someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day it's as if I play a part
Now I see If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world what's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that
I'm Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think?
How we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that
I'm Someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
One Love, One Life
Since i have such a long shut down from work this week, i decided to go home finally after so long :) When i reach my folks home, i saw this picture hanging on their room. This lovely picture was taken 2 years ago when my sister got married back then. It was such a joyous occassion and i stared long at this picture and sure being an emotional me... i do have things to say about this 4 letter word. Yet so simple but not many people can hold it... ~ LOVE ~
Have you wonder what kept our parents marriages alive after such a long time? I started to wonder what has actually kept their love burning? Though i may not grow up with my folks but i do see them loving each other in different ways. There are times where couple fights and quarrel.. there are even times when one is being throw out of the bedroom... hahah... ( i wonder why is always the man being kick out all the time?? ) haha...
At our parents time, all i can say is Love is really a matter of choice despite of the temperature of the heart. It really is... i tend to feel quite alot where some couples begin their marriage with red hot passion and soon it fades away either through life toils or by some other unforseen factor we outsider dont know.
This week i had an opportunity to go out with Joyce as usual we will go out to chill at town... always like her company though i always like to 'irriate' her.. haha... share a fair bit of our family, life, friends etc... i always enjoy my time out with her.
Then we went to a coffee place to rest our feet and have a drink, i saw a friend whom i have not seen in church for a very long time. My instinct told me that something is not right with him, his countenance gave him away. I knew something is not right then i told joyce that he might not be in church anymore and i guess maybe he is divorce. (Now please dont get me wrong, i dont gloat over people's misfortunte but something just tell me that).
As we are about to leave that place i bid my friend goodbye and tried exchange a few lines with him... and i guess my instinct is right.. I didnt pursue or ask him any personal he just told me that his marriage is over...
I wasnt shock but i was abit sadden. He used to do very well in church and we are classmates from the same badge in Bible School, took care of Hollywood, married the love of his love and eventually run his family business. I really dont know where did love go? If love can be gone through life trials & testings then where is the essences of it? I hear too much, seen too much of many failed marriages but yet i still choose to believe there are still good marriages around that is in the binding. Love is really a choice, its really till death do us part thing.
I wonder when he comes along... will he love me till the end?? But for now, at least im assured that at least God do :)
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Today, i went purposely to go to middle road to buy this egg tart. Just becos my sister has been wanting to eat yet not chance too. I am surprised that being a very lazy me i went out such lengths to buy for her :)
hahaha.. i guess thats what kinship is all about... i always felt that im such a lousy sister. Cant really do or give much to my sister but at least this is the least i can do for her... Hope she will like it.. its very nice and tasty... and its healthy!!! Its soya bean egg tart unlike the traddition ones that we buy outside. My sister and i are very different. We live in a different world, her world is much simpler... not so much of complications unlike mine. But im glad and happy for her that she is happily married with such a supporting husband. My brother in law and I click on quite well :)
My sister and i used to quarrel alot, fight alot and somehow while growing up in two different places i tend to be jealous and envy of her being doted by my parents since young. She has her first birthday celebaration when she is at very young age while i dont. I can still remember i stared with anger and rejection from my parent as a kid thinking why am i so different from the rest of the kids? Am i not their own too?? And it took me 21 years to have one family birthday gathering for me well i guess delay is not denial sometimes.. hahaha...
Well i have gotten over the past issue and sometimes when i look back, i am so amazed that why is my heart so small at that time compare to now? Maturity takes time to develop i guess. Right now my sis and i are much closer. Though i dont really share much of my thoughts to her not becos she is not capable of handling it.. but i guess i dont really want her to carry my unseen burdens :)
I know we love each other in different ways ... and i hope God can bring her back once again! Only God can do that surgery in her heart.. and im awaiting for my whole family members to be saved. Only God can do such a mircale!
Friendship From God :)
I think beside children are one of God's best gift to man, friendship is one of it too. This morning i was awoken up by an sms. I was elated to see a sms by a friend kind words and i feel so much comforted being loved again. Sometimes i feel that friendship comes in a nick of time to give an emotional lift and it feel good that my blog is constantly view upon by those who love me.
In fact, i remember the other day i was feeling very tired and dont feel like going on anymore, i sms to kodomo and lament my woe over sms... the next day i received an sms back from her saying that... " U tired.. i'll be there to carry for you :) with such one sentence it so sweet yet so simple. Tears swell up in my eyes its warms my tired heart. Im really very bless to have such a friend like her. Though we may not talk alot or met up alot but im sure the bond within us stay.
Actually i never thought that i can make good friendships with so many wonderful people around me. During my study days, i have a Form Teacher who warned one of my best friend in school not to get near me as i will lead her into bad path..it takes one rotten apple to spoil the whole carton? i was rather hurt by the remark back then and i thought am i that bad being a person?
Times pass, in life u win some and lose some, i make some good friends and not so good ones. But i have always feel that im not good enough to be a friend to anyone, call it an esteem problem... call it whatever ... and i find it hard to accept their love. But i somehow feel very fortunate to have friends that came along side to help me to pull through one obstacles after another. Friends are like extra pair of wings, they carry you when you are down. Im very thankful to God really, remembering His faithfulness while i am not.
I hope i can be a better friend :) to all ...
I think beside children are one of God's best gift to man, friendship is one of it too. This morning i was awoken up by an sms. I was elated to see a sms by a friend kind words and i feel so much comforted being loved again. Sometimes i feel that friendship comes in a nick of time to give an emotional lift and it feel good that my blog is constantly view upon by those who love me.
In fact, i remember the other day i was feeling very tired and dont feel like going on anymore, i sms to kodomo and lament my woe over sms... the next day i received an sms back from her saying that... " U tired.. i'll be there to carry for you :) with such one sentence it so sweet yet so simple. Tears swell up in my eyes its warms my tired heart. Im really very bless to have such a friend like her. Though we may not talk alot or met up alot but im sure the bond within us stay.
Actually i never thought that i can make good friendships with so many wonderful people around me. During my study days, i have a Form Teacher who warned one of my best friend in school not to get near me as i will lead her into bad path..it takes one rotten apple to spoil the whole carton? i was rather hurt by the remark back then and i thought am i that bad being a person?
Times pass, in life u win some and lose some, i make some good friends and not so good ones. But i have always feel that im not good enough to be a friend to anyone, call it an esteem problem... call it whatever ... and i find it hard to accept their love. But i somehow feel very fortunate to have friends that came along side to help me to pull through one obstacles after another. Friends are like extra pair of wings, they carry you when you are down. Im very thankful to God really, remembering His faithfulness while i am not.
I hope i can be a better friend :) to all ...
Sense Verses In-Sensitivity??? 3 August 2007, Friday
Someone today did a very insensitive thing to me in cell and i cant believe he has done it over again and again... I was so angry and i went to Siang's house toilet to hide and cry. I cant believe i have done that, all along i thought its okay to let people laugh at, but im sure my emotions has a limit.
Actually i dont blame it on the person who has hurt me... i think he has every right too... Fat people are always bullied and laugh upon so i dont really dont blame him at all.
I tried to hold back my tears but it just kept freely flowing out from my eyes. Till then no one knows what happened and when the toilet door is open... i compose back to my normal self. I thought i have acted very well until.. someone saw through it...
While making our way to have our normal fellowship in the car and i cried quietly not wanting to be console by her. Guess bottle up emotions are not good at all.
In fact this week i am not feeling too good emotionally.. fighting my way out of depression and yet kept on eating and eating uncontrollably... i know its not good. I dont feel good either. No one likes to be fat! But yet being FAT is always the joke of many people.
7 August 2007
I wonder if people is in my shoe.... what will they think? Like today i went to meet up with some of my ex-colleagues.. they do joke about that "wave is coming" while i shift my seat nearer... well.. i just look normal and act blur... but inside im really hurting... fresh wounds that i have been trying to close all these while have cut open up again.
I know they dont mean it just a joke out of it again.. I didnt say doesnt mean i dont feel hurtful? Being fat is a sin too? I dont know.. i tried... i really tried to change but when im depress the tendency then to eat more...I have enough! Should i fight back relentlessly? or should I confront my fears? I really dont know....im very tired... just want to rest...
Someone today did a very insensitive thing to me in cell and i cant believe he has done it over again and again... I was so angry and i went to Siang's house toilet to hide and cry. I cant believe i have done that, all along i thought its okay to let people laugh at, but im sure my emotions has a limit.
Actually i dont blame it on the person who has hurt me... i think he has every right too... Fat people are always bullied and laugh upon so i dont really dont blame him at all.
I tried to hold back my tears but it just kept freely flowing out from my eyes. Till then no one knows what happened and when the toilet door is open... i compose back to my normal self. I thought i have acted very well until.. someone saw through it...
While making our way to have our normal fellowship in the car and i cried quietly not wanting to be console by her. Guess bottle up emotions are not good at all.
In fact this week i am not feeling too good emotionally.. fighting my way out of depression and yet kept on eating and eating uncontrollably... i know its not good. I dont feel good either. No one likes to be fat! But yet being FAT is always the joke of many people.
7 August 2007
I wonder if people is in my shoe.... what will they think? Like today i went to meet up with some of my ex-colleagues.. they do joke about that "wave is coming" while i shift my seat nearer... well.. i just look normal and act blur... but inside im really hurting... fresh wounds that i have been trying to close all these while have cut open up again.
I know they dont mean it just a joke out of it again.. I didnt say doesnt mean i dont feel hurtful? Being fat is a sin too? I dont know.. i tried... i really tried to change but when im depress the tendency then to eat more...I have enough! Should i fight back relentlessly? or should I confront my fears? I really dont know....im very tired... just want to rest...
SIMPSON'S FAMILYWent to watch Bart Simpsons on saturday... at first i was quite skeptical about this cartoon as i never really watch before.. but from the begining of the show it started to the end... i can never imagine that i laugh so hard and loud. Its worth watching! It's funny and i never thought that i can laugh throughout the show... hahaha... especially the spider pig song... its so hilarious!!!!
SPIDER PIG(Homer Simpson Sings)
SPIDER PIGDoes whatever a SPIDER PIG does
Can he swing From a web No he cant,He's a pigLOOK OOOUUUTTT!!!!He is a SPIDER PIG!!
I laugh so loud... hahaha... and i even got this song from joyce to put into my mobile... hahaha.. I still find it very entertaining... hmm... maybe i havent been really laughing much lately :)
Return to blogging...
Yes yes... after so long i know that i have not been blogging for a long long time... lol ... im sure some of my ardent fans might been thinking all these while where am i hidding again? Which cave do i go to for medidation? Well im finally back! I have come out from my cave this time with many lessons learn :) I wanted to blog really but just seems not to find time too :) but since i have this one week break... i think i better start blogging ...
Return where i landed ...
I have left Cold Storage to a better company now where im already 3 month confirmed staff. Well, to me it seems like 3 years had past.. so busy everyday. Facing different situation and funny griveness... i guess if you like this line... people irriate you everyday whether you like it or not.. Maybe God has put me there to be a problem solver ba... so i dont dare to complain but just be thankful at least i have a job and something i like to do... get connected to people needs etc..
Life has been okay at least for work. Thinking of going back to school... back to basics... havent got a concrete plan just yet, but thinking of going to Isreal a place i pin for so long :) so im trying at least the best i know how to scrimp and save the best i know how. It has been my dream to go there. At least its step closer to God.
Wedding Fever...
Well what else can i say? In June and July this year i witness both beautiful marriage. Each of it got its different theme and i enjoy every moment of it. Though its really tiring but yet i guess its the company of good friends we have to pull through one hurdle after another.
More weddings to come... There will also be a season for everything! Meanwhile stay tunned for more blogs to come...
Yes yes... after so long i know that i have not been blogging for a long long time... lol ... im sure some of my ardent fans might been thinking all these while where am i hidding again? Which cave do i go to for medidation? Well im finally back! I have come out from my cave this time with many lessons learn :) I wanted to blog really but just seems not to find time too :) but since i have this one week break... i think i better start blogging ...
Return where i landed ...
I have left Cold Storage to a better company now where im already 3 month confirmed staff. Well, to me it seems like 3 years had past.. so busy everyday. Facing different situation and funny griveness... i guess if you like this line... people irriate you everyday whether you like it or not.. Maybe God has put me there to be a problem solver ba... so i dont dare to complain but just be thankful at least i have a job and something i like to do... get connected to people needs etc..
Life has been okay at least for work. Thinking of going back to school... back to basics... havent got a concrete plan just yet, but thinking of going to Isreal a place i pin for so long :) so im trying at least the best i know how to scrimp and save the best i know how. It has been my dream to go there. At least its step closer to God.
Wedding Fever...
Well what else can i say? In June and July this year i witness both beautiful marriage. Each of it got its different theme and i enjoy every moment of it. Though its really tiring but yet i guess its the company of good friends we have to pull through one hurdle after another.
More weddings to come... There will also be a season for everything! Meanwhile stay tunned for more blogs to come...
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Bottled Up
Though this year 2007 has just arrived and its just barely 2 months had past. Somehow i feel as if i have lived through the half year period.
Feelings... coped up from deep within.. frustrations of self... hurts from people... letdown by friends... anger at God... uncertainities of future.. fear of the unknown... all these feelings just griped me to the core and im sure it has hit its peak!!!
Wondering anyone feelings can go lower than this?
Thank God i should say... the only way besides being a hermit in my own nut shell for days, there is also a remedy through writing... Its a way of expressions venting my frustrations.. throwing my fears and abandoning myself into world of my own.
At least in my world pains are temporarily ceased, in my world i can be at eased, in my world i can come in terms with my own true feelings, in my world no one can come near and hurt me, in my world no one sees my tears and fears.. in my world i can be free who i want to be....
Why am i hidding again? Why am i retreating? Why am i making rounds? Why do i have to do it again? Why do i keep holding on to somethings that are not right and never has any ending? Why do i have to hurt myself through and through? Letting God and those who believe in me down?
Silent cry screamed out from the depths of my being.. its a cry of desparations, its a cry longing to be heard. A cry of despair, longing ... a cry of identification, cry that is aimless that brings me down to my pit.
How can i ever be clean? How can i be pure? How can i be really happy? Stained with filth, marked down by gulit, echoed by condemations.. its just so much to bear. I wonder who can get me out of this silent anguish? i know i will not only be the one or neither the last one who feels this way.
I am just tired... tired of this journey... i wanted to go to a far away place to find back my own space ..i need a place to recuperate and get my energy back to zest.. But will i be up and going again after the rest?
Someone ever once told me that if i really stands out i will be the brightest stars that shines among all. I wonder will this star of mine be able to shine ever so bright up in the dark night sky? This star of mine is flickering like the candle in the wind and fading slowing like the dying roses in the field...
Its between me and Him... its all because of Him... because there is much love for Him, i contested with my soul. Because of Him i long to be make whole. All because of my love for Him so easily read by others yet so hard to follow.
Because of Him, i believe.. i really try hard to believe life can be better for me.. because of this hope in Him that is undying that keeps me holding on until my heart bleeds, my hands brusied with blisters. I dont want to let go.. i am afraid to let Him go ... i really want to hold onto the rope of hope as tight as i can close to my heart...
Read a friend's blog today and i thought she describes well of what Life is...
"To me, life is a journey where you never know which day it ends but you always celebrate the day of its beginning. Every decision you make, everyone you touch, everything you say make up of life events. How exciting will your life be really depend on YOUR CHOICE! Even God give us a choice either to be with him or
away from HIM. And I am thankful to have HIM in my life".
I cant agree any further with what she says.. i wish i can be as strong as her being so determined come what may that she will not be so easily swayed by life trials..
God has promised us that in our weakness we are make strong in Him. In our distress we can look for Him for life's answers...
What if the answers didnt come? What if .. what if... what if...
If God is here today what will i ask Him??? Too many questions on my mind to be answered. But i know that God works in a mysterious way.. i dont know where my sherperd is going to lead me... beside King David's still waters? Or Moses's red sea? Or maybe at garden gesthmane where i find Him down on His knees praying for me?
Trials indeed make us more stronger... hopefully not to hardening of our hearts.. Testings makes us more human .. hopefully not to become inhumane.
With all these unanswered questions, life is indeed is a long journey. What you are today is the choice we make yesterday.. whether happy or sad, angry or mad?
Decisions upon decisions... one day when our lives is over and the big revealed comes to stand.. and maybe just one day... God is going to astound us what is life all about!
Though this year 2007 has just arrived and its just barely 2 months had past. Somehow i feel as if i have lived through the half year period.
Feelings... coped up from deep within.. frustrations of self... hurts from people... letdown by friends... anger at God... uncertainities of future.. fear of the unknown... all these feelings just griped me to the core and im sure it has hit its peak!!!
Wondering anyone feelings can go lower than this?
Thank God i should say... the only way besides being a hermit in my own nut shell for days, there is also a remedy through writing... Its a way of expressions venting my frustrations.. throwing my fears and abandoning myself into world of my own.
At least in my world pains are temporarily ceased, in my world i can be at eased, in my world i can come in terms with my own true feelings, in my world no one can come near and hurt me, in my world no one sees my tears and fears.. in my world i can be free who i want to be....
Why am i hidding again? Why am i retreating? Why am i making rounds? Why do i have to do it again? Why do i keep holding on to somethings that are not right and never has any ending? Why do i have to hurt myself through and through? Letting God and those who believe in me down?
Silent cry screamed out from the depths of my being.. its a cry of desparations, its a cry longing to be heard. A cry of despair, longing ... a cry of identification, cry that is aimless that brings me down to my pit.
How can i ever be clean? How can i be pure? How can i be really happy? Stained with filth, marked down by gulit, echoed by condemations.. its just so much to bear. I wonder who can get me out of this silent anguish? i know i will not only be the one or neither the last one who feels this way.
I am just tired... tired of this journey... i wanted to go to a far away place to find back my own space ..i need a place to recuperate and get my energy back to zest.. But will i be up and going again after the rest?
Someone ever once told me that if i really stands out i will be the brightest stars that shines among all. I wonder will this star of mine be able to shine ever so bright up in the dark night sky? This star of mine is flickering like the candle in the wind and fading slowing like the dying roses in the field...
Its between me and Him... its all because of Him... because there is much love for Him, i contested with my soul. Because of Him i long to be make whole. All because of my love for Him so easily read by others yet so hard to follow.
Because of Him, i believe.. i really try hard to believe life can be better for me.. because of this hope in Him that is undying that keeps me holding on until my heart bleeds, my hands brusied with blisters. I dont want to let go.. i am afraid to let Him go ... i really want to hold onto the rope of hope as tight as i can close to my heart...
Read a friend's blog today and i thought she describes well of what Life is...
"To me, life is a journey where you never know which day it ends but you always celebrate the day of its beginning. Every decision you make, everyone you touch, everything you say make up of life events. How exciting will your life be really depend on YOUR CHOICE! Even God give us a choice either to be with him or
away from HIM. And I am thankful to have HIM in my life".
I cant agree any further with what she says.. i wish i can be as strong as her being so determined come what may that she will not be so easily swayed by life trials..
God has promised us that in our weakness we are make strong in Him. In our distress we can look for Him for life's answers...
What if the answers didnt come? What if .. what if... what if...
If God is here today what will i ask Him??? Too many questions on my mind to be answered. But i know that God works in a mysterious way.. i dont know where my sherperd is going to lead me... beside King David's still waters? Or Moses's red sea? Or maybe at garden gesthmane where i find Him down on His knees praying for me?
Trials indeed make us more stronger... hopefully not to hardening of our hearts.. Testings makes us more human .. hopefully not to become inhumane.
With all these unanswered questions, life is indeed is a long journey. What you are today is the choice we make yesterday.. whether happy or sad, angry or mad?
Decisions upon decisions... one day when our lives is over and the big revealed comes to stand.. and maybe just one day... God is going to astound us what is life all about!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
My Longing
Sometimes i wonder when will we be able to meet?
It really looks like you are beyond my reached.
This pinning i have long so strong
wonder what has actually gone wrong?
Some couples are easily destined to be together,
and lead a life happy ever after.
In this world of six billion,
I am not greedy just want to find you one in a million
Why is it so hard for us to meet?
I really dont know what is hindering it?
Sometimes i can sense you near
Sometimes i just feel that you are here.
But dont know why our path cant seems to cross
Even if it does will we be lost in the crowd without a cause?
Will i be ever let alone?
In this world of crazy place not my own?
Where charm is deceit and beauty is in need
But wonder how many will be able to resist it?
Sometimes i just need to find a space
Just between you and me when my longing needs a place
So i can just run into your warm embrace without a trace...
Sometimes i wonder when will we be able to meet?
It really looks like you are beyond my reached.
This pinning i have long so strong
wonder what has actually gone wrong?
Some couples are easily destined to be together,
and lead a life happy ever after.
In this world of six billion,
I am not greedy just want to find you one in a million
Why is it so hard for us to meet?
I really dont know what is hindering it?
Sometimes i can sense you near
Sometimes i just feel that you are here.
But dont know why our path cant seems to cross
Even if it does will we be lost in the crowd without a cause?
Will i be ever let alone?
In this world of crazy place not my own?
Where charm is deceit and beauty is in need
But wonder how many will be able to resist it?
Sometimes i just need to find a space
Just between you and me when my longing needs a place
So i can just run into your warm embrace without a trace...
Friday, January 19, 2007
Memory Lane
Found a box of 'precious' in my room while i was doing my final clean up for the month. It was left unattended for a long time and so i decided to open it up... I grinned as i saw the items that was found inside the box.. :) memories came rushing in like the flood as one by one each item that was found inside the box has an untold stories..
Lying there was a kindergarten graduation picture of myself.. i wonder why i look so weird with perm hair? I dont remember im born with natural curls???.. hmm.. mum must be the cluprit who done that.
In that big box there lies all my credentials.. report books.. letters.. photo albums etc.. stuff that i have not been running through it with and now just feel so happy to recollect those memories one by one..the feelings are just like bumping into a long lost friend- Time for reunion :)
One thing i must admit, im not an intelligent person. Though someone have commented on me once that i look like one graduate :) well, i may look like one... talk like one but was never one... with that compliment of cos im really flatted. Well if there is a university to be qualify myself for, that will definitely be the school of great hard knocks of life :)
The first item i saw was my report books ... talk about my results.. haha.. when i was in my kindergartern.. i was position.. 44th person out of 52 in the class! haha.. thats comforting.. at least im not the last one .. but the red marks i have gotten in the report book sure scare the hell out of my folks.. heehee...
Growing up hasnt been an easy one not to say that my folks are not with me my thru my adolences period. All along, my small world was involved around with my grandma and grandpa. I see it as a way of a subsitituion of parental's love. My gran's love for me are really unconditional it surpasses all human love :) To them I was their proud grandchildren even though im always spoilt in other's eyes..
I always remember how i was the rotten apple in the class.. my form teacher often put remarks on the small blue note book to let me bring back to let my grandpa see and sign.. Each time when i got home i will hand it over to him.. and he will just sign and went thru it and he didnt really scold me haha.. he just shake his head and say.. not again?
The stuff my teacher wrote says that im lack of home supervision.. got to be neat.. brush up english.. got to get help.. blah.. blah.. blah.. haha..
Now ah gong is gone no longer around oh how i missed him.. i missed talking to him, i missed him carrying me in his arms when im still a child.. i missed him when he coaxed me to sleep and sing his favourite songs.. i just miss all of him :(
Even when going to secondary schools was not an easy task for me.. back there i was more darker in skin tone.. i dont look like a princess.. my hair cut is so tomboyish.. and there isnt any sense of feminity in me.. i was being mocked , disturbed, laughed at by classmates just because they think that im the 'ugly duckling' in class. My self-esteem went down to the rock bottom... and i hardly got any friends while im in my secondary one and two...
You must be finding very hard to believe when u read it rite? I find it hard too.. haha.. things change and people do change through situtations.. and before i know it.. i am who i am now by God's grace throughout the course of these years...
Who could have thought a girl that was so insecured and so low self esteem about herself can be a relational person in turn to be an extrovert? Who could have thought a girl who flunk her English while during school time where teachers almost gave up hope started to write blogs and own poems? Guess it was my darkest period where gifts, talents and ability were discovered.. and till now im still in search for my life's mission purpose :)
Since young i always wanted to explore whats over the other side of the world, going to overseas to studies and to have a taste of aboard life is one of my secret wish.. on seeing my childhood friend who went overseas how i wish sometimes im born into a better family.. and to me her life is just so plain sailing... no big storms.. no hurricane.. went australia to study and eventually get married to her first and last boyfriend, and now we lost contact... from the latest news i heard from other friends is she is happily married with 3 kids and a loving husband.
Cant complain much... my close friends always say if we tend to look what we dont have we will really become bitter and miserable.. but if we start counting our blessings one by one.. we will be surprised actually we might be better off then some others.
Life here on earth is so drama.. everyone played different roles.. and when one role has ended the other part of us has begin to take on into something else.
I used to think that as long as i tried my best not to change, we will maintain best of friends for life.. but now even if i havent change.. people around me started too, because of the change factor around our love ones.. either we moved along with them and enter into their seasons.. if not u will still be there and left behind. I was actually very disappointed with life changes, letters that my close friends in school that wrote to me that we will be friends forever is all now out of sight.. out of mind..
Have to move along with time and seasons now .. too much disppointments that i dont wish to talk about it.. so i have learn the hard way.. NEVER rely on people :) they are not forever.. and there is no such things as forever in life now....
Next.. there is a pile of letters and cards.. letters from my very own dear Pastor Kong. I was very happy to find back those cards and letters that Pastor Kong, Sun and some of the pionners that sent to me for encouragement while im still a young christian .. it brings comfort to my soul and .... hmm... maybe i should write a letter to Pastor to up keep about my life since we have not been able to catch up personally... :)
Wow.. so much i have written.. haha.. i just want to be happy.. getting more and more long winded.. okay... time to go for the black box again to distress before i hit my head on the sack...
Found a box of 'precious' in my room while i was doing my final clean up for the month. It was left unattended for a long time and so i decided to open it up... I grinned as i saw the items that was found inside the box.. :) memories came rushing in like the flood as one by one each item that was found inside the box has an untold stories..
Lying there was a kindergarten graduation picture of myself.. i wonder why i look so weird with perm hair? I dont remember im born with natural curls???.. hmm.. mum must be the cluprit who done that.
In that big box there lies all my credentials.. report books.. letters.. photo albums etc.. stuff that i have not been running through it with and now just feel so happy to recollect those memories one by one..the feelings are just like bumping into a long lost friend- Time for reunion :)
One thing i must admit, im not an intelligent person. Though someone have commented on me once that i look like one graduate :) well, i may look like one... talk like one but was never one... with that compliment of cos im really flatted. Well if there is a university to be qualify myself for, that will definitely be the school of great hard knocks of life :)
The first item i saw was my report books ... talk about my results.. haha.. when i was in my kindergartern.. i was position.. 44th person out of 52 in the class! haha.. thats comforting.. at least im not the last one .. but the red marks i have gotten in the report book sure scare the hell out of my folks.. heehee...
Growing up hasnt been an easy one not to say that my folks are not with me my thru my adolences period. All along, my small world was involved around with my grandma and grandpa. I see it as a way of a subsitituion of parental's love. My gran's love for me are really unconditional it surpasses all human love :) To them I was their proud grandchildren even though im always spoilt in other's eyes..
I always remember how i was the rotten apple in the class.. my form teacher often put remarks on the small blue note book to let me bring back to let my grandpa see and sign.. Each time when i got home i will hand it over to him.. and he will just sign and went thru it and he didnt really scold me haha.. he just shake his head and say.. not again?
The stuff my teacher wrote says that im lack of home supervision.. got to be neat.. brush up english.. got to get help.. blah.. blah.. blah.. haha..
Now ah gong is gone no longer around oh how i missed him.. i missed talking to him, i missed him carrying me in his arms when im still a child.. i missed him when he coaxed me to sleep and sing his favourite songs.. i just miss all of him :(
Even when going to secondary schools was not an easy task for me.. back there i was more darker in skin tone.. i dont look like a princess.. my hair cut is so tomboyish.. and there isnt any sense of feminity in me.. i was being mocked , disturbed, laughed at by classmates just because they think that im the 'ugly duckling' in class. My self-esteem went down to the rock bottom... and i hardly got any friends while im in my secondary one and two...
You must be finding very hard to believe when u read it rite? I find it hard too.. haha.. things change and people do change through situtations.. and before i know it.. i am who i am now by God's grace throughout the course of these years...
Who could have thought a girl that was so insecured and so low self esteem about herself can be a relational person in turn to be an extrovert? Who could have thought a girl who flunk her English while during school time where teachers almost gave up hope started to write blogs and own poems? Guess it was my darkest period where gifts, talents and ability were discovered.. and till now im still in search for my life's mission purpose :)
Since young i always wanted to explore whats over the other side of the world, going to overseas to studies and to have a taste of aboard life is one of my secret wish.. on seeing my childhood friend who went overseas how i wish sometimes im born into a better family.. and to me her life is just so plain sailing... no big storms.. no hurricane.. went australia to study and eventually get married to her first and last boyfriend, and now we lost contact... from the latest news i heard from other friends is she is happily married with 3 kids and a loving husband.
Cant complain much... my close friends always say if we tend to look what we dont have we will really become bitter and miserable.. but if we start counting our blessings one by one.. we will be surprised actually we might be better off then some others.
Life here on earth is so drama.. everyone played different roles.. and when one role has ended the other part of us has begin to take on into something else.
I used to think that as long as i tried my best not to change, we will maintain best of friends for life.. but now even if i havent change.. people around me started too, because of the change factor around our love ones.. either we moved along with them and enter into their seasons.. if not u will still be there and left behind. I was actually very disappointed with life changes, letters that my close friends in school that wrote to me that we will be friends forever is all now out of sight.. out of mind..
Have to move along with time and seasons now .. too much disppointments that i dont wish to talk about it.. so i have learn the hard way.. NEVER rely on people :) they are not forever.. and there is no such things as forever in life now....
Next.. there is a pile of letters and cards.. letters from my very own dear Pastor Kong. I was very happy to find back those cards and letters that Pastor Kong, Sun and some of the pionners that sent to me for encouragement while im still a young christian .. it brings comfort to my soul and .... hmm... maybe i should write a letter to Pastor to up keep about my life since we have not been able to catch up personally... :)
Wow.. so much i have written.. haha.. i just want to be happy.. getting more and more long winded.. okay... time to go for the black box again to distress before i hit my head on the sack...
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
New Year 2007
Spend the first day of this new year with Sharon, we went to watch a comedy show Night at Musem. Quite light hearted movie.
Then we headed straight to Ya Kun for coffee... talk a fair bit.. talk about the people we know.. about the past, present and future :) guess i have always like her company though technically speaking both of us are quite similar in some ways. Thank God for friends that go through life together and brave through storms.. Sab, Sharon and I three of us are so different in character.. yet i wonder what hold us together for so many years.. God must be the 'glue' in between us that hold the friendship.
Of cos along the way, God brought in friends to help us in the walk with Him and in this Cell i have make a few close ones. Indeed, i do pray that all our friendship will not change through out the different seasons of our life :) Use to be in relationship and used to 'worship' my boyfriend like god... my whole world used to involved around him and thus i neglected my friends.. and when he is no longer around, my world fell apart and it took me great pain to learn this vaulable lesson.
So from then, i have learn to treasure friendship especially those whom i hold close.. i will try to protect them and keep them from harm not to let other people bully of take advantage of them.. haha.. sounds like a big sister big.. but indeed im the oldest among them hehe..
Spring Cleaning
Have been procrastinating to clean up my room for a very long time finally... the dust.. cobwebs that has been accumlated for months has been wipe out! Hahah.. i think its a good start for a new year.
Can you imagine? I started to do spring cleaning on 12noon... it may sound too exeragerting.. i done my clean up around till 8pm!!! Gosh!! so freaking tired.. am i cleaning a palaca or wat it took about 8 hours to clear my rooms. I realise that i got 9 new pairs of shoes that i have bought that yet to wear.. 3 boxes of bags that i have not use for a long time and many many accessories... opps... so that leave me with no excuses to shop for a while..
A sign of relief came when i saw the end product of it... my room is clean again i wonder how can i live in that kind of mess haha.... i hv learn a lesson from this spring cleaning...
Spend the first day of this new year with Sharon, we went to watch a comedy show Night at Musem. Quite light hearted movie.
Then we headed straight to Ya Kun for coffee... talk a fair bit.. talk about the people we know.. about the past, present and future :) guess i have always like her company though technically speaking both of us are quite similar in some ways. Thank God for friends that go through life together and brave through storms.. Sab, Sharon and I three of us are so different in character.. yet i wonder what hold us together for so many years.. God must be the 'glue' in between us that hold the friendship.
Of cos along the way, God brought in friends to help us in the walk with Him and in this Cell i have make a few close ones. Indeed, i do pray that all our friendship will not change through out the different seasons of our life :) Use to be in relationship and used to 'worship' my boyfriend like god... my whole world used to involved around him and thus i neglected my friends.. and when he is no longer around, my world fell apart and it took me great pain to learn this vaulable lesson.
So from then, i have learn to treasure friendship especially those whom i hold close.. i will try to protect them and keep them from harm not to let other people bully of take advantage of them.. haha.. sounds like a big sister big.. but indeed im the oldest among them hehe..
Spring Cleaning
Have been procrastinating to clean up my room for a very long time finally... the dust.. cobwebs that has been accumlated for months has been wipe out! Hahah.. i think its a good start for a new year.
Can you imagine? I started to do spring cleaning on 12noon... it may sound too exeragerting.. i done my clean up around till 8pm!!! Gosh!! so freaking tired.. am i cleaning a palaca or wat it took about 8 hours to clear my rooms. I realise that i got 9 new pairs of shoes that i have bought that yet to wear.. 3 boxes of bags that i have not use for a long time and many many accessories... opps... so that leave me with no excuses to shop for a while..
A sign of relief came when i saw the end product of it... my room is clean again i wonder how can i live in that kind of mess haha.... i hv learn a lesson from this spring cleaning...
- Never procrastinate the things that was intended to do or else in the end you will end up clearing more and more dust and cobwebs
- Make up your mind to do spring cleaning regualry
- Be ruthless and throw away those unnecessary stuffs which u used to cherish them it will occupy more space in the end!
In spiritual aspects.. dont left your problems and things left unattended.. the more you drag on the more emotional bagages you will accumlate. As a result you will take longer time to heal.. Do stock-take in your life.. and see how far you have gone and how much more to go.. Finally be ruthless to those unnecessary memories.. how can the new ones come in while u still cling on to the old? :)
Haha.. so much so for this new year... i pray this year will be the best year yet!
Monday, January 01, 2007
Reflections of 2006..
Here it comes.. finally 2006 is history and it marks down the new birth of an other New Year 2007. Looking back, 2006 has been one of the most exciting and challenging year so far for me. Since after i came back to God, i have been cruising my life like the ship that has taken a long vacation.
Last Year was not a bad year after all, get to go to Hong Kong with some wonderful people and its a memorable trip that i guess i will not be able to forget for a very long time :) But life goes on and it will the best part of memories that i used to have with my friends.
Begining January...
One of the higlights i witness is the proposal of my pal Sab and Edwin.. love so sweet so pure finally they are together :) I really wonder wat went thru on Sab's mind when Edwin took out the ultimate ring? Haha.. Its a happy ending for them and it will begining a new chapter for them.
Loving Feburary...
Hmm.. after going one big round John and Louisa are finally together :) cant help but to feel happy as im in the part of the middle person to bring them together.. If this one whole year i didnt do anything good, guess this will be the best thing i have ever done! i didnt know that i can be a good matchmaker hehe.. All the best folks! U will have a beautiful life ahead.
Having lunch with the pioneers in church are so unforgetable too.. Seeing all my old friends in church and makes me realised how times really pass me by so fast.. Never forget the moment that Pastor Kong still remember me i feel so privilege to be part of this move of God.
Transition March...
It was a month i thought and come into realisation that people are not with u forever. People change and because change is the constant thing in life we have to get used to it. Im someone who doesnt really like changes very much, i hate it when u have to get to know unfamiliar person or situations all over again. But i guess thats unavoidable, just like how i see my close friends seeing one by one getting married or attached, it left me so insecure and afraid about what my future will hold for me. Well, i have learn to deal with it then and its a constant battle that you have to renew my mind :) i will emerge!
Foolish April...
Never thought that i will do something like this. Guess it will be my first time and last time to do that.... Going to tic tac toe.. Gosh! You wont believe it i know.. i really dont enjoy it! While many people are having fun and good reveiws about it.. personally i will not go for such set up event anymore! Feel so out of place, feel like a fish out of water kind.. you name it you have it. hehe...
Emerging May...
Went for operations that month.. doctor found cyst grown near my ovary.. seriously all along i have never stayed in hospital in my whole life and it sure scare me to death that week when i was admitted to the hospital. The operating therate was sure was cool and scary, but the friendly nurses and the skillful doctor did warm my anxious heart when i was there.
Haha.. I thought i will never see tomorrow :) guess i got much unfinished business to do here on earth thats why God is still perserving me. I was grateful to the people who visited me.. my cell group mates and my family members and friend and my kodomo... haha.. These are the people who stood by me :) Thank U all!
Discovery June...
I admit that im not a woman of many talents.. many times i thought that the only talent i have is the gift of gab ... to talk and talk.. but during June period it was one of the most difficult period to go through. I was jobless and everything in my life seems to be in a deep dark valley... but the funny part is when i was in my valley ... i actually discover i have another talent yet to unleash to the fullest potential.
As i was very depress without a job and was very stress thinking of how to meet ends need. At that time i have alot of time to work with computer and blog and check my emails etc... and just somehow.. creative juice flow out of me to compose peoms about my life and also peom for my friends.. I was truely very amazed by this hidden talent that has been discovered.. Hm.. i wonder how many more talent i have :)
Thankful July...
I got a job on time :) and was very happy then when things start to get into place. God came thru for me again this time.. How can i ever not thank Him for all the things that is happening in my life? Celebrated my birthday too with a bunch of good supporting friends. And im just so happy that my path cross with all these wonderful people.
Lazy August...
Lazy to write... cant really want happen on that month.
Poetic September...
Guess on September i wrote the most peom.. it reveals how i feel.. dont wish to explain further.
Excuses October...
????? Lazines or forgetulness took over again...
Sweet November...
Looks like when the year is coming to close .. the lesser i wrote.. hehe..
Happy December...
Here it comes.. finally 2006 is history and it marks down the new birth of an other New Year 2007. Looking back, 2006 has been one of the most exciting and challenging year so far for me. Since after i came back to God, i have been cruising my life like the ship that has taken a long vacation.
Last Year was not a bad year after all, get to go to Hong Kong with some wonderful people and its a memorable trip that i guess i will not be able to forget for a very long time :) But life goes on and it will the best part of memories that i used to have with my friends.
Begining January...
One of the higlights i witness is the proposal of my pal Sab and Edwin.. love so sweet so pure finally they are together :) I really wonder wat went thru on Sab's mind when Edwin took out the ultimate ring? Haha.. Its a happy ending for them and it will begining a new chapter for them.
Loving Feburary...
Hmm.. after going one big round John and Louisa are finally together :) cant help but to feel happy as im in the part of the middle person to bring them together.. If this one whole year i didnt do anything good, guess this will be the best thing i have ever done! i didnt know that i can be a good matchmaker hehe.. All the best folks! U will have a beautiful life ahead.
Having lunch with the pioneers in church are so unforgetable too.. Seeing all my old friends in church and makes me realised how times really pass me by so fast.. Never forget the moment that Pastor Kong still remember me i feel so privilege to be part of this move of God.
Transition March...
It was a month i thought and come into realisation that people are not with u forever. People change and because change is the constant thing in life we have to get used to it. Im someone who doesnt really like changes very much, i hate it when u have to get to know unfamiliar person or situations all over again. But i guess thats unavoidable, just like how i see my close friends seeing one by one getting married or attached, it left me so insecure and afraid about what my future will hold for me. Well, i have learn to deal with it then and its a constant battle that you have to renew my mind :) i will emerge!
Foolish April...
Never thought that i will do something like this. Guess it will be my first time and last time to do that.... Going to tic tac toe.. Gosh! You wont believe it i know.. i really dont enjoy it! While many people are having fun and good reveiws about it.. personally i will not go for such set up event anymore! Feel so out of place, feel like a fish out of water kind.. you name it you have it. hehe...
Emerging May...
Went for operations that month.. doctor found cyst grown near my ovary.. seriously all along i have never stayed in hospital in my whole life and it sure scare me to death that week when i was admitted to the hospital. The operating therate was sure was cool and scary, but the friendly nurses and the skillful doctor did warm my anxious heart when i was there.
Haha.. I thought i will never see tomorrow :) guess i got much unfinished business to do here on earth thats why God is still perserving me. I was grateful to the people who visited me.. my cell group mates and my family members and friend and my kodomo... haha.. These are the people who stood by me :) Thank U all!
Discovery June...
I admit that im not a woman of many talents.. many times i thought that the only talent i have is the gift of gab ... to talk and talk.. but during June period it was one of the most difficult period to go through. I was jobless and everything in my life seems to be in a deep dark valley... but the funny part is when i was in my valley ... i actually discover i have another talent yet to unleash to the fullest potential.
As i was very depress without a job and was very stress thinking of how to meet ends need. At that time i have alot of time to work with computer and blog and check my emails etc... and just somehow.. creative juice flow out of me to compose peoms about my life and also peom for my friends.. I was truely very amazed by this hidden talent that has been discovered.. Hm.. i wonder how many more talent i have :)
Thankful July...
I got a job on time :) and was very happy then when things start to get into place. God came thru for me again this time.. How can i ever not thank Him for all the things that is happening in my life? Celebrated my birthday too with a bunch of good supporting friends. And im just so happy that my path cross with all these wonderful people.
Lazy August...
Lazy to write... cant really want happen on that month.
Poetic September...
Guess on September i wrote the most peom.. it reveals how i feel.. dont wish to explain further.
Excuses October...
????? Lazines or forgetulness took over again...
Sweet November...
Looks like when the year is coming to close .. the lesser i wrote.. hehe..
Happy December...
Very happy in December.. good weather... long holidays.. and enjoyed fun time shopping for gifts for people i cherished. Feel happy as they like the gifts i have given.. its the joy of giving during this season Ho.. Ho.. Ho.. Went to Jason's house for Chrismas it was nice and most of us gather there to have a nice steamy steam boat...
Last nite went few of us gather at Louisa & John new house to watch fire works and countdown.. indeed it was fun though...
So much so for 2006... victories and defeats, happiness and sadness, leaving and reuniting, death and separation, heartaches and pain, disappointed heart turns hopeful again. etc.. After all God is still unchanged. He is still the same Abba when i call at nite. He is the pillar of support that i have held on to for so many years.. He is still that silent listener whenever my heart desires..
Yes.. indeed 2007 will be a better year than 2006... yes... i will walk another year of victories and though great is my fear.. but greater will be my courage! Without fear there will be no courage! :)
Goodbye 2006.... Welcome 2007....
Monday, December 25, 2006
Thursday, November 23, 2006
His Instrument
God let me be your light to shine through darkness
Cause your light to shine on me Lord so they will see you in me
God let me be your heart to feel the hurting
When there is need arises i will touch them with your healing
Let me be an instrument of your love to reach out
in this cold world where all hatred and strife is all about
God let it be me as i obey your call
Little by little even it pains to surrender to give you my all
You have been my help and strength in times of troubles
You are the one i call upon when i thought my life is over
And with what i have i will give it back to you for your use
because of the love i have for u i will render it back all to you
God let me be your light to shine through darkness
Cause your light to shine on me Lord so they will see you in me
God let me be your heart to feel the hurting
When there is need arises i will touch them with your healing
Let me be an instrument of your love to reach out
in this cold world where all hatred and strife is all about
God let it be me as i obey your call
Little by little even it pains to surrender to give you my all
You have been my help and strength in times of troubles
You are the one i call upon when i thought my life is over
And with what i have i will give it back to you for your use
because of the love i have for u i will render it back all to you
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
An Afternoon With My God mum
I was at home the whole day... counting my cost deciding which company to be in.. so i was mending my own business and my god mum came down today to bring food for my granny. Yes tonight, im going to write about her...
Since young growing up in my granny's house, i always heard many good report about her, how she is so fillial to the elders and how good she is and she has always been an example for all of us to follow... she works hard without complaining... a typical virtuous wife that you can find in the bible Proverbs 31
Though she is a good woman and deserves a man to love her whole heartedly but life is always so full of twist and turn... we expect good woman will end up marrying a good man, but its always the other way round..
My uncle has not been a faithful man to her for many years and he is a hard core gambler i should say he is the 'black sheep' in the family... everytime things started and happen bcos of him. Throughout my growing up years, i witness many unpleasant things.
Years past, by God's grace, i was the first christian in my family, i recalled at that time when God touched my world from that moment i knew life took a new turn then follow by my sister but now she is far from God. And later on i witness to my cousin Dave which is my godmum's son. What the bible say is so true.. if one is saved, eventually the whole household will be saved..
My cousin witness to my godmum, eventually thank God she gave her heart to HIM. I can see that dramatic change in my godmum when God came into her heart.. she was so changed and she threw away all her idols that she has worship all her life! Suddenly i thought i saw a new woman :) a woman full of strength and so much peace within her.. she is no longer the sad face lady full of life toil on her face, infact she is glowing with God's love.
Today she came down and came to my room, we had a long talk, we talk about life, talk about God and i asked her if ever she thought of leaving my uncle since he is in a very bad shape now.. she say she didnt want to leave him, she say bcos of God's love that is in her, she has learn to forgive and let go and move on with God. I could feel so much love and peace of God came within her :) for a moment, i thought i have backslided.. haha.. sometimes i feel so pai seh compare to her passion for God and mine is a long distance away..
I prayed for her.. haha first time in chinese..and ministered to her and we cried, God is in our midst in my humble room.. tears of gratitude for God seems to flow uncontrollably from our eyes.. God is faithful and He will take care of us.
Then my Godmum so sweet, she in turn ask me if i have someone in mind... i am so shy.. haha.. dont really know how to answer her, all i ask her is to pray for me.. then without hesitation, she grab my hands close eyes and prayed in chinese and Teo Chew.. though the prayer for a husband from her seems simple but its so full of love and sincerity.. she was asking God to bring my knight to me, a harvester to protect and take care of me, someone that is true... etc..
i chuckled while she prayed i felt so sweet, God must have heard her.. haha.. so we end our day with prayer and a big hug! What an afternoon with her and i know that my man is on the making...
I was at home the whole day... counting my cost deciding which company to be in.. so i was mending my own business and my god mum came down today to bring food for my granny. Yes tonight, im going to write about her...
Since young growing up in my granny's house, i always heard many good report about her, how she is so fillial to the elders and how good she is and she has always been an example for all of us to follow... she works hard without complaining... a typical virtuous wife that you can find in the bible Proverbs 31
Though she is a good woman and deserves a man to love her whole heartedly but life is always so full of twist and turn... we expect good woman will end up marrying a good man, but its always the other way round..
My uncle has not been a faithful man to her for many years and he is a hard core gambler i should say he is the 'black sheep' in the family... everytime things started and happen bcos of him. Throughout my growing up years, i witness many unpleasant things.
Years past, by God's grace, i was the first christian in my family, i recalled at that time when God touched my world from that moment i knew life took a new turn then follow by my sister but now she is far from God. And later on i witness to my cousin Dave which is my godmum's son. What the bible say is so true.. if one is saved, eventually the whole household will be saved..
My cousin witness to my godmum, eventually thank God she gave her heart to HIM. I can see that dramatic change in my godmum when God came into her heart.. she was so changed and she threw away all her idols that she has worship all her life! Suddenly i thought i saw a new woman :) a woman full of strength and so much peace within her.. she is no longer the sad face lady full of life toil on her face, infact she is glowing with God's love.
Today she came down and came to my room, we had a long talk, we talk about life, talk about God and i asked her if ever she thought of leaving my uncle since he is in a very bad shape now.. she say she didnt want to leave him, she say bcos of God's love that is in her, she has learn to forgive and let go and move on with God. I could feel so much love and peace of God came within her :) for a moment, i thought i have backslided.. haha.. sometimes i feel so pai seh compare to her passion for God and mine is a long distance away..
I prayed for her.. haha first time in chinese..and ministered to her and we cried, God is in our midst in my humble room.. tears of gratitude for God seems to flow uncontrollably from our eyes.. God is faithful and He will take care of us.
Then my Godmum so sweet, she in turn ask me if i have someone in mind... i am so shy.. haha.. dont really know how to answer her, all i ask her is to pray for me.. then without hesitation, she grab my hands close eyes and prayed in chinese and Teo Chew.. though the prayer for a husband from her seems simple but its so full of love and sincerity.. she was asking God to bring my knight to me, a harvester to protect and take care of me, someone that is true... etc..
i chuckled while she prayed i felt so sweet, God must have heard her.. haha.. so we end our day with prayer and a big hug! What an afternoon with her and i know that my man is on the making...
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
And ending that leads a new begining..
Yes, its in the middle of the nite again... and back to blog today.. actually was about to go to sleep but one of my friend ask me to watch a show in channel U " How to say I do". Its a show about telling and expressing how people felt towards each other.
And today there is a lady who has make up her mind and today she is going to express her liking to a friend of hers that she has been carrying a touch for him for 5 long years. They have known each other for 10 years being school friends etc.. i wonder where did she gather all her courage to express how she feel? I guess it must be very tormenting liking someone yet cant seems to recipocate back her feelings.. so she decided to seek media help hoping that that man that she harbour liking for will say Yes to her..
Much work and preparation is done for her.. she went the extra mile to do her hairdos.. manice and pettie cure, seek professionals abt her out fit etc... many days work just simply wait for that special day to come just to impress someone she really hope to be with..
The moment of truth came, they decided to fix him up at one of the resturant and when the celebrity brought him to her, and when the curtain is drawn, i can see the awarkardness in the man's eyes.. yes to a certain extend i guess he must be touched by her sincerity..
Then for the lady.. she gathers her courage by singing a chinese song 'Love requires courage' then she tell him how she feels.. the liking for him for years seems to take into a different height. She is just so in love with him.. and she bravely expressed out her fondness to him.. oh man.. its so touching.. i cried :) its such and emotional sight, if a man i like will to do that.. i will say yes without any hesitations.
But reality is cruel after all... whatever the lady effort that has been done for many days all is being exchange for one sentence from the man...' its best we are better off as friends' i can see tears swell up in her eyes.. i cried with her too.. it sounded so silly.. as if im just like her.. i can understand how she must have felt. She is so brave, if for me i dont know how to take a 'No" for and answer if a man i like rejected me out front on national TV.
All her hopes that she longs to be with him has been crushed instanteously without betting an eye lid, truth really hurts but i guess its better off this way.. rather than pinning and hoping at guessing and thinking whether he loves me or he loves me not..least it came to an end of her dreams being with him.. i think it may do the lady good so that she can move on with her life to really seek out the man who really love and cherish her, life is too short to be wasted on just a man's rejection:) today's rejection maybe tomorrow accepectance from another person... so as long as we dont give up finding the right one.. im sure we will meet one day :)
Thats life i guess, im sure she will be stronger and its that man lost anyway. I always believe that love works both ways. It will not be fair if one party gives more all the time :)
Well i do hope he will do that too :) but sometimes somethings in life is not up to us to decide. I always wonder will he be the one for me? We are so different in many ways yet i like his character :) that is why it attracts me to him. So what if feelings for both of us are mutual but yet cant be together? So much hesitations and uncertainities that lies ahead of us.
Seriously i cant really think so much now for myself, so many urgent issues on hand and i have just to put aside my own agenda for awhile...i miss him though.. not use of having him not around :) as he is away serving the nation.. he will be gone for weeks.. well life goes on... and on...
Yes, its in the middle of the nite again... and back to blog today.. actually was about to go to sleep but one of my friend ask me to watch a show in channel U " How to say I do". Its a show about telling and expressing how people felt towards each other.
And today there is a lady who has make up her mind and today she is going to express her liking to a friend of hers that she has been carrying a touch for him for 5 long years. They have known each other for 10 years being school friends etc.. i wonder where did she gather all her courage to express how she feel? I guess it must be very tormenting liking someone yet cant seems to recipocate back her feelings.. so she decided to seek media help hoping that that man that she harbour liking for will say Yes to her..
Much work and preparation is done for her.. she went the extra mile to do her hairdos.. manice and pettie cure, seek professionals abt her out fit etc... many days work just simply wait for that special day to come just to impress someone she really hope to be with..
The moment of truth came, they decided to fix him up at one of the resturant and when the celebrity brought him to her, and when the curtain is drawn, i can see the awarkardness in the man's eyes.. yes to a certain extend i guess he must be touched by her sincerity..
Then for the lady.. she gathers her courage by singing a chinese song 'Love requires courage' then she tell him how she feels.. the liking for him for years seems to take into a different height. She is just so in love with him.. and she bravely expressed out her fondness to him.. oh man.. its so touching.. i cried :) its such and emotional sight, if a man i like will to do that.. i will say yes without any hesitations.
But reality is cruel after all... whatever the lady effort that has been done for many days all is being exchange for one sentence from the man...' its best we are better off as friends' i can see tears swell up in her eyes.. i cried with her too.. it sounded so silly.. as if im just like her.. i can understand how she must have felt. She is so brave, if for me i dont know how to take a 'No" for and answer if a man i like rejected me out front on national TV.
All her hopes that she longs to be with him has been crushed instanteously without betting an eye lid, truth really hurts but i guess its better off this way.. rather than pinning and hoping at guessing and thinking whether he loves me or he loves me not..least it came to an end of her dreams being with him.. i think it may do the lady good so that she can move on with her life to really seek out the man who really love and cherish her, life is too short to be wasted on just a man's rejection:) today's rejection maybe tomorrow accepectance from another person... so as long as we dont give up finding the right one.. im sure we will meet one day :)
Thats life i guess, im sure she will be stronger and its that man lost anyway. I always believe that love works both ways. It will not be fair if one party gives more all the time :)
Well i do hope he will do that too :) but sometimes somethings in life is not up to us to decide. I always wonder will he be the one for me? We are so different in many ways yet i like his character :) that is why it attracts me to him. So what if feelings for both of us are mutual but yet cant be together? So much hesitations and uncertainities that lies ahead of us.
Seriously i cant really think so much now for myself, so many urgent issues on hand and i have just to put aside my own agenda for awhile...i miss him though.. not use of having him not around :) as he is away serving the nation.. he will be gone for weeks.. well life goes on... and on...
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
This peom was written for Louisa and and John.. it was meant for them as i have promise to write for them for their wedding card.
Here it goes..
Two hearts two lives
So differently made but now they beat as one
This love so sweet yet so divine
Happily seeing them leading a new life
Who would have thought they are make for each other?
It must be God who brought them together
So with all the well wishes from family and friends
To the newly couple may they marriage will be bliss forever.
Here it goes..
Two hearts two lives
So differently made but now they beat as one
This love so sweet yet so divine
Happily seeing them leading a new life
Who would have thought they are make for each other?
It must be God who brought them together
So with all the well wishes from family and friends
To the newly couple may they marriage will be bliss forever.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Take Me Back....
Take me back to the first time where we first met
Take me back to the first love where my heart is intact
Take me back to the place where we used to gather
With you beside me so much faith, joy and laughter
Take me back to your presence Lord
Where grace is found when I surrender all
Oh take me back and lead me on forever
Under your wings as we soar together
As I place all my hopes and dreams in you my master and friend
I know my future is in good hands
Take me back to the first time where we first met
Take me back to the first love where my heart is intact
Take me back to the place where we used to gather
With you beside me so much faith, joy and laughter
Take me back to your presence Lord
Where grace is found when I surrender all
Oh take me back and lead me on forever
Under your wings as we soar together
As I place all my hopes and dreams in you my master and friend
I know my future is in good hands
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