What is meant to be is to be...


I have been out of sight, out of mind here. Just to much to blog too much feelings to reveal.

After the emotional attachment i have felt for him, i guess he is looking for a companion more than a hand to hold. Last week, my emotions went on a roller coaster ride! Up and down and ... high and low... the feeling is exciting but yet unbearable at times. I guess i have out grown my guessing game.. hide and seek.. guessing who likes who more. I think if a man will to really like a lady, he will make the first move and then the rest is history...

Whether who likes who or if there is a happy ending i guess there is no gurantee.. Nothing in life is for sure.. the house u live, friends that u have, people you hold dear too.. They may be here today and gone tomorrow. Thats why God calls us to put our hope in Him.

Have been unhappy last week, things just happened so fast, just within few days.. so many things have come at one time and how i wish i can see the lighter side of life. I supposed temptations comes in many different.

Just before my heart is calm by the raging storms... another wave from the shore came crashing in.. Another call me out of the blue... God knows how i have weakness for this person in the past, he is long gone in my mind... I have told him to move on.. all i can do is to leave him and say no to his advances... but he called again and stir my wavering heart.

A wave of depression sets in as i heard him over the other side of the phone. What should i do? How should l react? I feel so weak on my kness when he called. Oh my God, why do i have to go through this over and over again? I guess the devil knows when and where to hit the hardest. The more i say no to him.. the more my heart bleed, i felt so torn about. Its impossible for us to be together, no matter how much i wanted too.. He is someone's else and i tell myself im not going to make any more silly mistakes. The thoughts of him still linger within me and its really between my own self desire and my conviction... I told myself to be strong in order to go on. How worse can my situtation be? I have brave thru all storms. I have to hold on, im a surviour at all cost.

I cant turn back now... i dont want to start all over again, the only option left for me is to walk on with God, even if it takes for me to crawl on ground. I just have to keep walking and moving along with him. I dont want to run ahead of God. I just want to leave it to my beautifu Saviour..
God is good to me, even bad things does happen to good people. But there is no doubt about His nature, He will guide my path as i continue to trust in my Abba..