Blog
Realise that my blog was actually read by some of the close sisters almost daily... haha they told me that they are my 'die hard fans'... so in order not to disappoint them.. i will try to write something everyday whenever i can...
Actually, im not someone who likes to reveal much of my inner thoughts as im afraid i will get vunerable while people will ask me if im okay or not thru my writings. The only thing i show my blogs to closer ones is because as i write... they can also keep a look out for me in my life. I still need friends to be accountable for :) due to busy schedules for most Singaporeans most ppl log on to the computer more than to calling friends... so i guess when they popped by this blog at least we can keep watched over each other's being :P
I used to write journal since young, not sure from where i have learn to cultivate this habit of writing however I find it very theraputic when i jot my thoughts down. Whenever im down and out... whenever im feeling over the moon.. i like to write it down. And once is over and done with i felt as if tons of feelings has been loaded off my chest and i can continue my journey again :)
I was introduce to blog by Louisa and since then my journal diary has been emptied to online. I find it good as its easy to retrieve and i think its away to save the forest trees hahha..
Just wanna to thank all who are sharing this blog with me... thank you for watching over me :)
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
A fall
Got home today feeling abit sick after going for an interview... was supposed to be in bible class but i didnt make it :(
I took shower and behold... i fell on my back and hurt my head and hip bone... never did i have that kind of fall and the impact was really bad.. i was blackout in my shower room and my auntie heard the noise and she called me.. i heard her voice and i somehow woke up.. my head hurts and my hip bone is so painful..
But thank God, at least im able to stay awake thru out.. My grandma was at my sister's place i give them a call... i was crying ... hahah.. feeling like a baby.. how i wish someone is there to hold me it will ease my pain..
My granny rush back with my sister and my brother in law... they are so kind.. :) i knew im so loved by them. My sis took ice cube to put on my head and rub on my back.. :) hmm.. maybe she should be a nurse instead.. and as she was rubbing my brusies... out of no where suddenly she sing that "Da chang jin" song... wu la la .. wu la la... hahah.. she say she is chang jin number two.. bet she can still joke while im still in pain..
I still finds it funny and i thank God for my family that loves me :)
Got home today feeling abit sick after going for an interview... was supposed to be in bible class but i didnt make it :(
I took shower and behold... i fell on my back and hurt my head and hip bone... never did i have that kind of fall and the impact was really bad.. i was blackout in my shower room and my auntie heard the noise and she called me.. i heard her voice and i somehow woke up.. my head hurts and my hip bone is so painful..
But thank God, at least im able to stay awake thru out.. My grandma was at my sister's place i give them a call... i was crying ... hahah.. feeling like a baby.. how i wish someone is there to hold me it will ease my pain..
My granny rush back with my sister and my brother in law... they are so kind.. :) i knew im so loved by them. My sis took ice cube to put on my head and rub on my back.. :) hmm.. maybe she should be a nurse instead.. and as she was rubbing my brusies... out of no where suddenly she sing that "Da chang jin" song... wu la la .. wu la la... hahah.. she say she is chang jin number two.. bet she can still joke while im still in pain..
I still finds it funny and i thank God for my family that loves me :)
Waiting on God...
This morning i was a woken up by an sms. It was from a sister whom im close with :) Though im still struggling to wake up, i stayed in bed and reached out for my handphone. It was a real pleasant surprised to see her sms. I always felt very affirmed and encouraged by her messages and concern for me :0)
She was telling me that i was in her mind this morning (its good to be remembered especially in the morning) and how she is bless by the friendship i have given her etc... wow i thought wat a great day to start off with those encouragement.
I remember one thing she said, she said that God maybe wants me to be single for just a while more before my heart finding a home. To me.. haha.. the first thought is what's got to do when u are hitched and ministry. hmm... maybe God knows that i can be more focus and He must have know how i emotionally attached i will be hee... hee...
Its always good to have someone to share ur ups and downs.. guess life will be different when u have found someone. But i do hope that i will not be so man focus even if God give me the man of my dreams.. hahah... my "oil king".. haha..
Like what i say before, life is more meaningful when u reach out and bless others together with my future partner to serve God together :)
Many times i used to think and struggle will such day come? Where all the sisters are talking about weddings.. marriage.. proposal... rings.. houses.. relationship stuff.. at that nite of fellowhsip, it really left me thinking.. what if... what if tat day it didnt come? Will i still hold on? Will i just cruise on life disappointed.. haha.. i pray God will forbide that! I always wanted to have a family.. i want to raise up godly kids.. to learn to put others first and teach them the ways of God. Seriously i pray and hope that the wait will not be so long...
just like wat the bible says in Ps 27: 14
Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait I say, on the LORD!
Many times like what the word says.. its the waiting part.. But how many of us here really wait on God's best? Many friends i know got tired and weary while waiting and they end up marrying their "Mr Right" but end up so wrong. I hope i wont come into that end.. Sometimes it seems so impossible but i must keep telling myself i must believe God is the giver of good things. He will come true for me... i dont know how? I dont know when.. maybe its just a step away, a line across or maybe miles apart, maybe in order process.. God knows whats best for us and i know somehow i will get to meet my "oil king" one day :)
This morning i was a woken up by an sms. It was from a sister whom im close with :) Though im still struggling to wake up, i stayed in bed and reached out for my handphone. It was a real pleasant surprised to see her sms. I always felt very affirmed and encouraged by her messages and concern for me :0)
She was telling me that i was in her mind this morning (its good to be remembered especially in the morning) and how she is bless by the friendship i have given her etc... wow i thought wat a great day to start off with those encouragement.
I remember one thing she said, she said that God maybe wants me to be single for just a while more before my heart finding a home. To me.. haha.. the first thought is what's got to do when u are hitched and ministry. hmm... maybe God knows that i can be more focus and He must have know how i emotionally attached i will be hee... hee...
Its always good to have someone to share ur ups and downs.. guess life will be different when u have found someone. But i do hope that i will not be so man focus even if God give me the man of my dreams.. hahah... my "oil king".. haha..
Like what i say before, life is more meaningful when u reach out and bless others together with my future partner to serve God together :)
Many times i used to think and struggle will such day come? Where all the sisters are talking about weddings.. marriage.. proposal... rings.. houses.. relationship stuff.. at that nite of fellowhsip, it really left me thinking.. what if... what if tat day it didnt come? Will i still hold on? Will i just cruise on life disappointed.. haha.. i pray God will forbide that! I always wanted to have a family.. i want to raise up godly kids.. to learn to put others first and teach them the ways of God. Seriously i pray and hope that the wait will not be so long...
just like wat the bible says in Ps 27: 14
Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait I say, on the LORD!
Many times like what the word says.. its the waiting part.. But how many of us here really wait on God's best? Many friends i know got tired and weary while waiting and they end up marrying their "Mr Right" but end up so wrong. I hope i wont come into that end.. Sometimes it seems so impossible but i must keep telling myself i must believe God is the giver of good things. He will come true for me... i dont know how? I dont know when.. maybe its just a step away, a line across or maybe miles apart, maybe in order process.. God knows whats best for us and i know somehow i will get to meet my "oil king" one day :)
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Its Not Just About Me Anymore..
One of the luxury i have now is to rest and sleep late and wake up later... As im still in my resting mode after the operation, i managed to catch up and talk to some of my friends.
Life is full of many choices we make.. the decision we make today will either break us or make us a better person.
Recently, i was talking with a friend, and catching up with each other's life, she was relating that she actually like someone who is not a christian. I guess its not so easy for someone like her to like a guy. This man must have won her over by the things he do. I can see whenever she talks about him, sparks are in her eyes. But somehow i can understand her concern and her struggles. How many times... its our will Vs God's will, it must be hard for her to feel this way... carrying a torch for a man whom she cant be with.
I can identify with her i have been thru that before. Sometimes it really boils down to giving up our 'Isaac' before God can give us our precious. Life is always a constant struggle, how i wish i dont have to struggle and wrestle so hard. But if God say so no unequal yoke im sure He must have His reasons for everything.
When things happen, we always like to ask God why? And as if we demand an explaination from Him. But come to think of it, God is God why should He give us all the answers for life's questions? We have been spoilt :) always like a little child wanting our own ways.
Have talk to another sister too that nite, im happy for the first time there is such an openess and mutual trust between us. I see her always smiling whenever i see her but behind every smile there is lots of tears to cover up. Life has not been fair to her, its as if all life problems comes in her way and throw at her. For a moment i thought if i can turn into a fairy godmother and wand off all her fears and uncertainties away :) But good thing is she is strong and learning to trust God in every steps she takes. Sure there will be down moments, but it will not be long she will be up again. She has encouraged me to look at life at a brighter side. When u think that u have alot of problems to tackle look at over the other side there will be sure someone who is more problematic than u. But as long as God is there, we will be fine.
Life is not just about me anymore, there are so many needs to be met, hurts to be heal and i just cant sit down and wait for my mircale to happen. I just want to do my part to help whenever i can. Im sure when im putting God's Kingdom first, God will not short change me, He will fullfilled all the desires of my heart.
After hearing so many stories and struggles, i decided i want to move on further with God to another level where He wants to lead me. Somehow i could feel a change in me.. dont know how to explain it but i know changes are for the better.
I will try to help whenever i can and go the extra mile for others. Like how others have helped me to walk on with God. Life is really a journey, through ups and down ... and when i have reached my destination one day, i will hear Him say Well Done My faithful servant!
One of the luxury i have now is to rest and sleep late and wake up later... As im still in my resting mode after the operation, i managed to catch up and talk to some of my friends.
Life is full of many choices we make.. the decision we make today will either break us or make us a better person.
Recently, i was talking with a friend, and catching up with each other's life, she was relating that she actually like someone who is not a christian. I guess its not so easy for someone like her to like a guy. This man must have won her over by the things he do. I can see whenever she talks about him, sparks are in her eyes. But somehow i can understand her concern and her struggles. How many times... its our will Vs God's will, it must be hard for her to feel this way... carrying a torch for a man whom she cant be with.
I can identify with her i have been thru that before. Sometimes it really boils down to giving up our 'Isaac' before God can give us our precious. Life is always a constant struggle, how i wish i dont have to struggle and wrestle so hard. But if God say so no unequal yoke im sure He must have His reasons for everything.
When things happen, we always like to ask God why? And as if we demand an explaination from Him. But come to think of it, God is God why should He give us all the answers for life's questions? We have been spoilt :) always like a little child wanting our own ways.
Have talk to another sister too that nite, im happy for the first time there is such an openess and mutual trust between us. I see her always smiling whenever i see her but behind every smile there is lots of tears to cover up. Life has not been fair to her, its as if all life problems comes in her way and throw at her. For a moment i thought if i can turn into a fairy godmother and wand off all her fears and uncertainties away :) But good thing is she is strong and learning to trust God in every steps she takes. Sure there will be down moments, but it will not be long she will be up again. She has encouraged me to look at life at a brighter side. When u think that u have alot of problems to tackle look at over the other side there will be sure someone who is more problematic than u. But as long as God is there, we will be fine.
Life is not just about me anymore, there are so many needs to be met, hurts to be heal and i just cant sit down and wait for my mircale to happen. I just want to do my part to help whenever i can. Im sure when im putting God's Kingdom first, God will not short change me, He will fullfilled all the desires of my heart.
After hearing so many stories and struggles, i decided i want to move on further with God to another level where He wants to lead me. Somehow i could feel a change in me.. dont know how to explain it but i know changes are for the better.
I will try to help whenever i can and go the extra mile for others. Like how others have helped me to walk on with God. Life is really a journey, through ups and down ... and when i have reached my destination one day, i will hear Him say Well Done My faithful servant!
Monday, May 15, 2006
Coming Home
Home is where the heart is... I finally understood this truth. I have been away from home about 5 days to a place where most of us dread to go - Hospital.
Admission ( 10 May 2006, Wednesday )
10 May 2006 i was admitted to hospital for a minor operation. I felt funny admitting alone as most of the patients around me have their kins around them. I am someone who doesnt like to bother people much... so i ask my grandma to enjoy her Mother's Day Lunch with my uncle 's family while i can admit own my own. Guess i have learn to be self-reliant throughout these years. A gal who has been living independently away from the wings of her parents, will always somehow surivive stronger and tougher :)
Anyway, Joanna, Tau wee, Chris & Hui nan come over to visit me on the first day before the ops. It was so nice of them to keep me company. Tw was afraid that im bored he even bought magzines and food for me.. Their kind gestures really touches me :)
Day 1 of Operation ( 11 May 20o6, Thursday )
Dawn break came, i hardly had a wink wondering how will my operations be.. i was getting a little bit worried how am i going to be like when i am going thru the operations. Before i was wheeled to the operations theatre, i managed to see my mum and my grandma and i waved them 'goodbye'...
I was afraid as i do not know what is expected of me, as i was put onto the opeating bed immediately the nurses and doctors hands are all over me to fix up all the apparatus for the surgery. A mask was pull over my head and i kept hearing them to ask me to breathe harder... before i know it, i was knocked out by the anathestic.
The moment i opened my eyes, i heard someone calling my name. I thought to myself am i dead or alive? A waved of relived washed over me as i know that operation is over and it took quite awhile for me to wake up, doctor told me it was a difficult operation as they have to be skillful enough to remove the blood cyst from both side of my ovaries without cutting them away. Thank God for His divine protection.
I was in my dreamy stage while i was been taken back to my ward.. i can see happy faces of my loved ones around me as my operations took about 6 hours. I ask them to leave as they waited for a long time, though i wish they could stay awhile longer :)
Visitation
Just then about 7 plus Ling Siang and prem came over and to visit me :) I was very happy to see them and we talk for awhile. Follow by that, most of my cell memebers came that nite to visit me... people like Sharon, Sab, laurel, Lousia, ah beng, John, yen chau and xiao xin... and also kim my ex member. Though i was very tired after the ops, i was very thrilled to see them... i tried to stay awake and talk to them. I can feel their concern and love for me im really very happy to be in this part of this family.
Day 2 of Operation ( 13 May 2006, Friday )
Im someone who cannot endure pain, grandma will know i will scream at the slightest pain but surprisingly the pain is quite bearable. On the day two of operation, i have started to get up to walk. I tell myself i must get up if not i will be confine to this bed. I thank God for His protection and healing over me. My family members , shufen, jenny and joanne came and visited me and being a hyper person, i am so thrilled when people came and visit me in this cold, boring hospital.
Day 3 of Operation ( 14 May 2006, Saturday )
Lousia came to visit me around 12 plus and kind of missed my fellowship days with my kakis.. hopefully i can recover fast and be up and going... how i wish i can go and fellowhship with the members today as they are going for bbq at Marina South.. Yen chau, ah beng, sharon, sab and ah teck popped by around 5 plus to visit me... i was over the moon.. i really appreciate all of them coming...
Day 4 of Operation ( 15 May 2006, Sunday )
Finally the long wait, i can go home le. How i missed home and missed my bed.. Never felt happier to be back at my own nest. My sister and brother-in-law came and picked me up and im just so relieved to see the world again :)
Reflections
After staying so many days in the hospital, i came into a conclusion. Your body really matters. Our body is God's temple and i can see how it can affects our life being. We need to have a healthy temple so that we can do the works of God and take care of others. So i must take care of my body from now :)
During these few days of stay, i feel so loved by the people around me. Family members, cell members called, sms and they even came all the way to visit me. They could have not come... but they did. I can feel their love and concern :) i know that im not alone in this walk and we will be there to lift each other's up when one is down. Just want to thank you all people for the visitation, encouragement, and your prayers :) surely you all have make a great difference in my life!
Home is where the heart is... I finally understood this truth. I have been away from home about 5 days to a place where most of us dread to go - Hospital.
Admission ( 10 May 2006, Wednesday )
10 May 2006 i was admitted to hospital for a minor operation. I felt funny admitting alone as most of the patients around me have their kins around them. I am someone who doesnt like to bother people much... so i ask my grandma to enjoy her Mother's Day Lunch with my uncle 's family while i can admit own my own. Guess i have learn to be self-reliant throughout these years. A gal who has been living independently away from the wings of her parents, will always somehow surivive stronger and tougher :)
Anyway, Joanna, Tau wee, Chris & Hui nan come over to visit me on the first day before the ops. It was so nice of them to keep me company. Tw was afraid that im bored he even bought magzines and food for me.. Their kind gestures really touches me :)
Day 1 of Operation ( 11 May 20o6, Thursday )
Dawn break came, i hardly had a wink wondering how will my operations be.. i was getting a little bit worried how am i going to be like when i am going thru the operations. Before i was wheeled to the operations theatre, i managed to see my mum and my grandma and i waved them 'goodbye'...
I was afraid as i do not know what is expected of me, as i was put onto the opeating bed immediately the nurses and doctors hands are all over me to fix up all the apparatus for the surgery. A mask was pull over my head and i kept hearing them to ask me to breathe harder... before i know it, i was knocked out by the anathestic.
The moment i opened my eyes, i heard someone calling my name. I thought to myself am i dead or alive? A waved of relived washed over me as i know that operation is over and it took quite awhile for me to wake up, doctor told me it was a difficult operation as they have to be skillful enough to remove the blood cyst from both side of my ovaries without cutting them away. Thank God for His divine protection.
I was in my dreamy stage while i was been taken back to my ward.. i can see happy faces of my loved ones around me as my operations took about 6 hours. I ask them to leave as they waited for a long time, though i wish they could stay awhile longer :)
Visitation
Just then about 7 plus Ling Siang and prem came over and to visit me :) I was very happy to see them and we talk for awhile. Follow by that, most of my cell memebers came that nite to visit me... people like Sharon, Sab, laurel, Lousia, ah beng, John, yen chau and xiao xin... and also kim my ex member. Though i was very tired after the ops, i was very thrilled to see them... i tried to stay awake and talk to them. I can feel their concern and love for me im really very happy to be in this part of this family.
Day 2 of Operation ( 13 May 2006, Friday )
Im someone who cannot endure pain, grandma will know i will scream at the slightest pain but surprisingly the pain is quite bearable. On the day two of operation, i have started to get up to walk. I tell myself i must get up if not i will be confine to this bed. I thank God for His protection and healing over me. My family members , shufen, jenny and joanne came and visited me and being a hyper person, i am so thrilled when people came and visit me in this cold, boring hospital.
Day 3 of Operation ( 14 May 2006, Saturday )
Lousia came to visit me around 12 plus and kind of missed my fellowship days with my kakis.. hopefully i can recover fast and be up and going... how i wish i can go and fellowhship with the members today as they are going for bbq at Marina South.. Yen chau, ah beng, sharon, sab and ah teck popped by around 5 plus to visit me... i was over the moon.. i really appreciate all of them coming...
Day 4 of Operation ( 15 May 2006, Sunday )
Finally the long wait, i can go home le. How i missed home and missed my bed.. Never felt happier to be back at my own nest. My sister and brother-in-law came and picked me up and im just so relieved to see the world again :)
Reflections
After staying so many days in the hospital, i came into a conclusion. Your body really matters. Our body is God's temple and i can see how it can affects our life being. We need to have a healthy temple so that we can do the works of God and take care of others. So i must take care of my body from now :)
During these few days of stay, i feel so loved by the people around me. Family members, cell members called, sms and they even came all the way to visit me. They could have not come... but they did. I can feel their love and concern :) i know that im not alone in this walk and we will be there to lift each other's up when one is down. Just want to thank you all people for the visitation, encouragement, and your prayers :) surely you all have make a great difference in my life!
Monday, May 01, 2006
If ain't got you (Alicia Keys)
Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power
Yeah some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial
Chorus:
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you
Yeah some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love him
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me
Chorus:
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah
f I ain't got you with me baby
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby
Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power
Yeah some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial
Chorus:
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you
Yeah some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love him
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me
Chorus:
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah
f I ain't got you with me baby
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby
Back By Demand
Admit havent been unfaithful posting my blog... And back by popular demand im back. Have been rather busy these weeks too many to write... so many things to update yet so little time.
Today is supposed to be an outing day... looking forward to go treetop walk.. but health fail me. I was feeling sick, so today i stayed at home and hibernate :) hopefully tomorrow i will be able to come back to work roaring...
Work has become a chore, for the first time ever in my work history, i have decided to quit my job without finding one first. This was the 2nd time the whole dept have the mass resignation in less than 2 years. I dread tat kind of feeling going to work since changes took place... too much policting to bear. So the best way is to get out of their internal affairs.
In about 2 weeks time, i will be going to surgery soon. Doctor found out that there is a cyst on the right side of my ovary and operation is needed in for removal. At first when i heard the news i was too shock to response. I thought this kind of thing will not land on me. Friends around me assure me its commonly found in a woman, but i dont want to take any chance of ignoring it. Reality sets in and now i hv come in terms with it. But i know all things will work out good to those who love God.
Thank God for the constant support He has bring into my life. Friends around me just surrounded me with their love. One thing i have found out about God is that He will not allow His children to walk alone :) He is so amazing....
Admit havent been unfaithful posting my blog... And back by popular demand im back. Have been rather busy these weeks too many to write... so many things to update yet so little time.
Today is supposed to be an outing day... looking forward to go treetop walk.. but health fail me. I was feeling sick, so today i stayed at home and hibernate :) hopefully tomorrow i will be able to come back to work roaring...
Work has become a chore, for the first time ever in my work history, i have decided to quit my job without finding one first. This was the 2nd time the whole dept have the mass resignation in less than 2 years. I dread tat kind of feeling going to work since changes took place... too much policting to bear. So the best way is to get out of their internal affairs.
In about 2 weeks time, i will be going to surgery soon. Doctor found out that there is a cyst on the right side of my ovary and operation is needed in for removal. At first when i heard the news i was too shock to response. I thought this kind of thing will not land on me. Friends around me assure me its commonly found in a woman, but i dont want to take any chance of ignoring it. Reality sets in and now i hv come in terms with it. But i know all things will work out good to those who love God.
Thank God for the constant support He has bring into my life. Friends around me just surrounded me with their love. One thing i have found out about God is that He will not allow His children to walk alone :) He is so amazing....
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