Zumba Rumba ~ Towards A New Me. 

Today I decided to do something quite unusual of me, I decide to try Zumba out at home.  I have heard that this exercise is very tiring and it causes you to sweat like crazy... so I decide to try.

Oh well, it is so tiring... I literally sweat like a pig.  During half time through this exercise, I have alot of mixed feelings.. I have to cope with my panting breath and yet I have to go against all odds of the muscles pain discomforts.  I begin to cry half way while exercising, not because its painful or difficult, but its the layers of shield that I have been putting high up like "Berlin Wall" trying to fence out any emotional attacks from the past.

I used to be a "normal girl" I wasnt that big like what people see me now.  The little girl that is within me lives inside of me and I just wanted to eat my way out to feel comforted, to have a form of protection for me from getting hurt.  Emotional eating is bad, but seriously is comforting.  Food has been my best fren and comfort for many many years... People come and goes in my life and I cant help to feel used and abuse by them..  but I can say food is my only constant source of comfort whenever that "seasons" came.

I felt painful emotionally.  Because this girl who has been hidding inside the skelton closet is coming out surely but slowly.  Its a painful process.  Every exercise that I do it brings me closer to facing my past, a place that I hate to re-visit.  But I cant run away forever anymore.  Its like going through circles round and round and unless I break it, life will have no new continuity for me.

Last time I have tried to exercise and take pills, but the motive behind it was to look fab so that I may get my dream man and live a fairy tale life...  I failed terribly as I know I am not facing the root of my problems.  Wake up Chris, in life there are no fairy tales!

This time, I desire to change.  I want to be a better me.  Not that I want to have a fairy tale ending anymore (but if it happens, it happens).  But I realise that as you age, health is very important.  I wonder what was I thinking when I was gorging with all the good old junk food having stored in my body for years!?? What was I thinking?! 

Jane has known the truth long ago and it set her free :)  It took me so long to realise it!  I hope is not too late to start again!  She has been my so call "trainer" but I have failed terribly hehehe... 

I was doing for myself, I wanted to love myself too.  I know I havent been treating her well :( with all those food abuses.  I also wanted my parents to be proud of me at least for this.  I really wanted to be a new me... I am scared, but I will go through it layer by layer...



God knows how painful the process is... From emotionally eating disorder to getting it right for the first time.  I am just tired of all life nonsense.  Sometimes an escape to the "wild" may do me good.  Sometimes I wonder what have I not done that I deserve trial after trials... 

Like what Mother Teresa say: Life is a challenge, Meet it!

Everyone goes through tough times, and sometimes when we thought that its an end.. but is only a bend at the other corner where we may find happines.  I really wish that all of us will be happy.  Happiness is an inside job!  I really want to be happy!  Love Life, Love People & importantly Love God!

Now I know why God has allowed me to shift to new office...  This new shifting in office to Outram has allowed me to meet a new friend, Jennifer.  She is "God sent" for this season of my life to help me to face my ugly past once again.  God really does works in a mysterious ways.  We thought that we have come to the end of ourselves but there is always something new over the horizon.

So many feelings have surface this few weeks... I wish I have someone to talk too...  I know I am alone yet not alone.  Dear God, my life is in You, my strength is in You and my hope is in You, in You.. is in You.

Pray together with me, Stay together with me as we continue this life challenges journey call LIFE <3>

Old Year / New Year

Cant really believe it.. how time files.. Now is coming to mid June 2013.  I have been lagging yes and slagging and lazy and busy and have somehow neglecting my blog for quite awhile.  How should I start?  How should I begin?  Too much thoughts that I needed to shout it out loud. 

2012 has been a so so year for me... here it goes...

Career Life :- 

Most of friend always tease me a job hopper.. and I really beg to differ :)  I guess everything in life always happens for a reason and somehow I begin to wonder why God does things in a different ways.  First I left Pfizer for a perm job in a God forsaken place like end of Tuas .. going there to work is like going to the ends of the earth.. Freaking far.. woke up 530 am daily and it has always caused me to have sleep deprivation.. hahaha.. but I guess I am happy there so to me it doesnt really matter.. my colleagues are nice and "happening" party lots last year.. from beer market to Shanghai Dolly to Pump Room etc...  I was happy settling well in there but what the???... just before I was about to put my foot down in a place.. a sudden global change came and I have to say bye bye to my company as I was the last one to come and first to go.  How cruel isnt it?  Oh well.. i just have to move along with the sail when the storms of change come. 

I guess no one can really understand how I feel and many often I guess I am always being misunderstood... Actually I dont care much nowsadays how people will see me as long as I know what I am doing who are they to judge?



I Miss You Guys..



Moving on to John Crane God knows I needed a job, and by His grace I got a contract job this time in Town. Love the people, my colleagues are nice to me. Maybe I sow a seed of kindness to them thats why i always believe it always comes back to me. The stint of stay is not long again not becos I was fired, but I have something more permament. 

This Indra.. super cartoon.. lol

Lunch in office

Another mischevious team

3 Musketers

My Metrosexual boss

A jump shoot ~ Jump! Jump! Jump ~!

 

We love Zul!

So moving on.. I am now in a new place... I was not really used to it at first.  This company is so freaking lean and everything I have to do :)  I guess I am a surviour now I am at my 9th month here in Williams Lea.  The colleagues are as crazy.. so is my boss.  Nice eligible chap.. I always tease him.. cocky outside ... softy inside.. haha.. I always feel that my career has always been on the move.  Unless there are much changes again?  (which I hope not please God) I will move on.  Well we will never know when it will come?  I just have to enjoy the journey wherever I am :)

Family :-

Flaunting Dad's chain :)

Tim Sum Affair

Poker faces

Cousins are like another siblings that I never had :)

Last year I celebrated my birthday with my cousin as our dates are near to each other.  I was happy that my sis actually bake a cake for me!  How cool is that? Hahaha.. I think I am very bless to have her around.  Though we may not see things eye to eye at times but we know that we love each other :)  I guess sisters are God's gift and no matter what blood is always thicker than water. 

Happy Birthday to Us!

I often think of my other siblings that I have yet to meet.  I wonder how they look like?  I always wanted a big brother to protect me, I am not sure my siblings before me are boys or girls? I thought about them and how good it will be to have a bigger family unit.  I remember sometime this year I read a book Heaven Is For Real.  And this boy goes to heaven and saw Jesus.  And along the way, he has met people whom he have never met.  When I reached heaven one day, I know I will see them :)

Teary though but I know they are in heaven with God.  I will see them one day... wish there is a telephone to call heaven.. some of my love ones are there.  God will keep them safe.

With the new addition to the family, my niece has aways been the centre of our joy!  I guess nothing beats the feeling of having her.  Have been waiting for her arrival and now ... she is coming 3 years now!  Such a hottie isnt she? hahaha.. Yes it runs in family!

Friends :-

I guess friends does play a big part of my life.  Even though many people may think that i have alot of them.. But to find a loyal and faithful ones are so few.  I admit I can be fun loving and do all sorts of crazy things around friends but when I am alone, the real me surface out.  Sometimes I wonder who am I?  What you see is not what you get.  I am much deeper than they think :) but I wish I am simplier.  Maybe life challenges has made me who I am today. 

Along life pathway, I have some good friends whom I love to hang out with... some are far distance away yet they feel closer compare to those who are near... some are near yet so far.  Some seems close yet not so close.  Some are busy with their life affairs.  Oh well that is life.  It goes on and no matter what seasons you are in time will always change.  Here are some of my bestiest.. some pics of them i havent got the time to find. 

 

Seaons of Love

Now i really believe what Lou say about how God can speed things up and slow things down.  One of my bestiest has finally been hitch to her man of dreams.  This relationship has been tic-a-tact.  And my gf has taken the courage to express her thoughts out to him.  And in the fullness of time, he finally say yes to her and I know they will live happily ever after.  She has so much love to give and he is likewise.  They are nice couples and I am so happy for them.  Good things come to those who tarry.

Today, i was awake in the morning after when i saw their text and messages in FB, so many people congrats them and i could feel that love is in the air.  I somehow have a mixed feelings...

I cant deny the feelings that I somehow felt forgotten.  i know that i have to get used to the fact that once we are close friend are no longer that close anymore.  Someone has shared a space in between us.  Which means I will see her lesser, no more block busters movies with her.. no more musuems and things that we love to do and shared many things in common which most of my gfs like certain movies but not musical or visit museum...  I have to come in terms with this feelings.  I know that when she has found someone, it will no longer used to be the same anymore.

Am i angry with God?  Hmmm i really lost the ability too and really know what is it like to show my small fist at him?  I am just tired of waiting.. tired of life... tired of everything.. I was talking to ah ma today about my operations and in my heart i wish i will never wake up!  Hope God will just take me home right away!  But what if someone is waiting just round the corner?  What if im alone for the rest of my life?  What ifs? What ifs???  So many thoughts shouted acrossed my mind today and i really need to get away..




I went for a swim today at Lou place in the evening time.  How i love her pool and the tranquality there..  I was alone in the pool not many people is there and i swim my heart out today for almost an hour!  Followed by a Carl's Junior dinner, oh well... thats my comfort food!

Saw Joyce text today and its so comforting to talk to her!  I think friends like her is hard to find.  Someone that is objective and truthful and not afraid to tell me about things that she can be transparent with.  Its really true that friend that are miles away are much closer than those who are with me.  By talking to her makes me feel better.. all those crappy jokes we tease about each other in apps..  hahaha.. oh well.. thats why even for us.. it takes chemistry to be good friends :)  I know that both of us have challenges ahead.  One is love forloned.. and the love one is home sick etc and maybe more.... hahaha... i think dude its okay to hide in the cave but dont hide too long if not cobwebs will clog your cave and u have harder time to find your way "home" :)

Only if i have a pair of wings i will fly over the moon and find you :)

I hope you will come back soon and i promise you a "concert of a life time"... hahaha...

Oh well... thanks for listening and after all the lamenting.. pack up and embark on new directions :)  its hard la i know.. esp for me, seeing friends one by one getting hitched.  But oh well until i have found my Romeo I know true love waits.

 This is a dream catcher.. they say when you sleep it will catch your dreams.  I hope tonight as we rest we will be able to catch the good ones and discard the bad ones.  After all, life is a journey to be enjoyed and while reaching our final destination, lets keep walking the walk of faith.

Nite folks.  Its been a real hell of summary of what has been happening and guess what?  Beloved is calling.. i am entering in...

Love ~ Singapore Tiger Hiang...