My Longing
Sometimes i wonder when will we be able to meet?
It really looks like you are beyond my reached.
This pinning i have long so strong
wonder what has actually gone wrong?
Some couples are easily destined to be together,
and lead a life happy ever after.
In this world of six billion,
I am not greedy just want to find you one in a million
Why is it so hard for us to meet?
I really dont know what is hindering it?
Sometimes i can sense you near
Sometimes i just feel that you are here.
But dont know why our path cant seems to cross
Even if it does will we be lost in the crowd without a cause?
Will i be ever let alone?
In this world of crazy place not my own?
Where charm is deceit and beauty is in need
But wonder how many will be able to resist it?
Sometimes i just need to find a space
Just between you and me when my longing needs a place
So i can just run into your warm embrace without a trace...
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
Memory Lane
Found a box of 'precious' in my room while i was doing my final clean up for the month. It was left unattended for a long time and so i decided to open it up... I grinned as i saw the items that was found inside the box.. :) memories came rushing in like the flood as one by one each item that was found inside the box has an untold stories..
Lying there was a kindergarten graduation picture of myself.. i wonder why i look so weird with perm hair? I dont remember im born with natural curls???.. hmm.. mum must be the cluprit who done that.
In that big box there lies all my credentials.. report books.. letters.. photo albums etc.. stuff that i have not been running through it with and now just feel so happy to recollect those memories one by one..the feelings are just like bumping into a long lost friend- Time for reunion :)
One thing i must admit, im not an intelligent person. Though someone have commented on me once that i look like one graduate :) well, i may look like one... talk like one but was never one... with that compliment of cos im really flatted. Well if there is a university to be qualify myself for, that will definitely be the school of great hard knocks of life :)
The first item i saw was my report books ... talk about my results.. haha.. when i was in my kindergartern.. i was position.. 44th person out of 52 in the class! haha.. thats comforting.. at least im not the last one .. but the red marks i have gotten in the report book sure scare the hell out of my folks.. heehee...
Growing up hasnt been an easy one not to say that my folks are not with me my thru my adolences period. All along, my small world was involved around with my grandma and grandpa. I see it as a way of a subsitituion of parental's love. My gran's love for me are really unconditional it surpasses all human love :) To them I was their proud grandchildren even though im always spoilt in other's eyes..
I always remember how i was the rotten apple in the class.. my form teacher often put remarks on the small blue note book to let me bring back to let my grandpa see and sign.. Each time when i got home i will hand it over to him.. and he will just sign and went thru it and he didnt really scold me haha.. he just shake his head and say.. not again?
The stuff my teacher wrote says that im lack of home supervision.. got to be neat.. brush up english.. got to get help.. blah.. blah.. blah.. haha..
Now ah gong is gone no longer around oh how i missed him.. i missed talking to him, i missed him carrying me in his arms when im still a child.. i missed him when he coaxed me to sleep and sing his favourite songs.. i just miss all of him :(
Even when going to secondary schools was not an easy task for me.. back there i was more darker in skin tone.. i dont look like a princess.. my hair cut is so tomboyish.. and there isnt any sense of feminity in me.. i was being mocked , disturbed, laughed at by classmates just because they think that im the 'ugly duckling' in class. My self-esteem went down to the rock bottom... and i hardly got any friends while im in my secondary one and two...
You must be finding very hard to believe when u read it rite? I find it hard too.. haha.. things change and people do change through situtations.. and before i know it.. i am who i am now by God's grace throughout the course of these years...
Who could have thought a girl that was so insecured and so low self esteem about herself can be a relational person in turn to be an extrovert? Who could have thought a girl who flunk her English while during school time where teachers almost gave up hope started to write blogs and own poems? Guess it was my darkest period where gifts, talents and ability were discovered.. and till now im still in search for my life's mission purpose :)
Since young i always wanted to explore whats over the other side of the world, going to overseas to studies and to have a taste of aboard life is one of my secret wish.. on seeing my childhood friend who went overseas how i wish sometimes im born into a better family.. and to me her life is just so plain sailing... no big storms.. no hurricane.. went australia to study and eventually get married to her first and last boyfriend, and now we lost contact... from the latest news i heard from other friends is she is happily married with 3 kids and a loving husband.
Cant complain much... my close friends always say if we tend to look what we dont have we will really become bitter and miserable.. but if we start counting our blessings one by one.. we will be surprised actually we might be better off then some others.
Life here on earth is so drama.. everyone played different roles.. and when one role has ended the other part of us has begin to take on into something else.
I used to think that as long as i tried my best not to change, we will maintain best of friends for life.. but now even if i havent change.. people around me started too, because of the change factor around our love ones.. either we moved along with them and enter into their seasons.. if not u will still be there and left behind. I was actually very disappointed with life changes, letters that my close friends in school that wrote to me that we will be friends forever is all now out of sight.. out of mind..
Have to move along with time and seasons now .. too much disppointments that i dont wish to talk about it.. so i have learn the hard way.. NEVER rely on people :) they are not forever.. and there is no such things as forever in life now....
Next.. there is a pile of letters and cards.. letters from my very own dear Pastor Kong. I was very happy to find back those cards and letters that Pastor Kong, Sun and some of the pionners that sent to me for encouragement while im still a young christian .. it brings comfort to my soul and .... hmm... maybe i should write a letter to Pastor to up keep about my life since we have not been able to catch up personally... :)
Wow.. so much i have written.. haha.. i just want to be happy.. getting more and more long winded.. okay... time to go for the black box again to distress before i hit my head on the sack...
Found a box of 'precious' in my room while i was doing my final clean up for the month. It was left unattended for a long time and so i decided to open it up... I grinned as i saw the items that was found inside the box.. :) memories came rushing in like the flood as one by one each item that was found inside the box has an untold stories..
Lying there was a kindergarten graduation picture of myself.. i wonder why i look so weird with perm hair? I dont remember im born with natural curls???.. hmm.. mum must be the cluprit who done that.
In that big box there lies all my credentials.. report books.. letters.. photo albums etc.. stuff that i have not been running through it with and now just feel so happy to recollect those memories one by one..the feelings are just like bumping into a long lost friend- Time for reunion :)
One thing i must admit, im not an intelligent person. Though someone have commented on me once that i look like one graduate :) well, i may look like one... talk like one but was never one... with that compliment of cos im really flatted. Well if there is a university to be qualify myself for, that will definitely be the school of great hard knocks of life :)
The first item i saw was my report books ... talk about my results.. haha.. when i was in my kindergartern.. i was position.. 44th person out of 52 in the class! haha.. thats comforting.. at least im not the last one .. but the red marks i have gotten in the report book sure scare the hell out of my folks.. heehee...
Growing up hasnt been an easy one not to say that my folks are not with me my thru my adolences period. All along, my small world was involved around with my grandma and grandpa. I see it as a way of a subsitituion of parental's love. My gran's love for me are really unconditional it surpasses all human love :) To them I was their proud grandchildren even though im always spoilt in other's eyes..
I always remember how i was the rotten apple in the class.. my form teacher often put remarks on the small blue note book to let me bring back to let my grandpa see and sign.. Each time when i got home i will hand it over to him.. and he will just sign and went thru it and he didnt really scold me haha.. he just shake his head and say.. not again?
The stuff my teacher wrote says that im lack of home supervision.. got to be neat.. brush up english.. got to get help.. blah.. blah.. blah.. haha..
Now ah gong is gone no longer around oh how i missed him.. i missed talking to him, i missed him carrying me in his arms when im still a child.. i missed him when he coaxed me to sleep and sing his favourite songs.. i just miss all of him :(
Even when going to secondary schools was not an easy task for me.. back there i was more darker in skin tone.. i dont look like a princess.. my hair cut is so tomboyish.. and there isnt any sense of feminity in me.. i was being mocked , disturbed, laughed at by classmates just because they think that im the 'ugly duckling' in class. My self-esteem went down to the rock bottom... and i hardly got any friends while im in my secondary one and two...
You must be finding very hard to believe when u read it rite? I find it hard too.. haha.. things change and people do change through situtations.. and before i know it.. i am who i am now by God's grace throughout the course of these years...
Who could have thought a girl that was so insecured and so low self esteem about herself can be a relational person in turn to be an extrovert? Who could have thought a girl who flunk her English while during school time where teachers almost gave up hope started to write blogs and own poems? Guess it was my darkest period where gifts, talents and ability were discovered.. and till now im still in search for my life's mission purpose :)
Since young i always wanted to explore whats over the other side of the world, going to overseas to studies and to have a taste of aboard life is one of my secret wish.. on seeing my childhood friend who went overseas how i wish sometimes im born into a better family.. and to me her life is just so plain sailing... no big storms.. no hurricane.. went australia to study and eventually get married to her first and last boyfriend, and now we lost contact... from the latest news i heard from other friends is she is happily married with 3 kids and a loving husband.
Cant complain much... my close friends always say if we tend to look what we dont have we will really become bitter and miserable.. but if we start counting our blessings one by one.. we will be surprised actually we might be better off then some others.
Life here on earth is so drama.. everyone played different roles.. and when one role has ended the other part of us has begin to take on into something else.
I used to think that as long as i tried my best not to change, we will maintain best of friends for life.. but now even if i havent change.. people around me started too, because of the change factor around our love ones.. either we moved along with them and enter into their seasons.. if not u will still be there and left behind. I was actually very disappointed with life changes, letters that my close friends in school that wrote to me that we will be friends forever is all now out of sight.. out of mind..
Have to move along with time and seasons now .. too much disppointments that i dont wish to talk about it.. so i have learn the hard way.. NEVER rely on people :) they are not forever.. and there is no such things as forever in life now....
Next.. there is a pile of letters and cards.. letters from my very own dear Pastor Kong. I was very happy to find back those cards and letters that Pastor Kong, Sun and some of the pionners that sent to me for encouragement while im still a young christian .. it brings comfort to my soul and .... hmm... maybe i should write a letter to Pastor to up keep about my life since we have not been able to catch up personally... :)
Wow.. so much i have written.. haha.. i just want to be happy.. getting more and more long winded.. okay... time to go for the black box again to distress before i hit my head on the sack...
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
New Year 2007
Spend the first day of this new year with Sharon, we went to watch a comedy show Night at Musem. Quite light hearted movie.
Then we headed straight to Ya Kun for coffee... talk a fair bit.. talk about the people we know.. about the past, present and future :) guess i have always like her company though technically speaking both of us are quite similar in some ways. Thank God for friends that go through life together and brave through storms.. Sab, Sharon and I three of us are so different in character.. yet i wonder what hold us together for so many years.. God must be the 'glue' in between us that hold the friendship.
Of cos along the way, God brought in friends to help us in the walk with Him and in this Cell i have make a few close ones. Indeed, i do pray that all our friendship will not change through out the different seasons of our life :) Use to be in relationship and used to 'worship' my boyfriend like god... my whole world used to involved around him and thus i neglected my friends.. and when he is no longer around, my world fell apart and it took me great pain to learn this vaulable lesson.
So from then, i have learn to treasure friendship especially those whom i hold close.. i will try to protect them and keep them from harm not to let other people bully of take advantage of them.. haha.. sounds like a big sister big.. but indeed im the oldest among them hehe..
Spring Cleaning
Have been procrastinating to clean up my room for a very long time finally... the dust.. cobwebs that has been accumlated for months has been wipe out! Hahah.. i think its a good start for a new year.
Can you imagine? I started to do spring cleaning on 12noon... it may sound too exeragerting.. i done my clean up around till 8pm!!! Gosh!! so freaking tired.. am i cleaning a palaca or wat it took about 8 hours to clear my rooms. I realise that i got 9 new pairs of shoes that i have bought that yet to wear.. 3 boxes of bags that i have not use for a long time and many many accessories... opps... so that leave me with no excuses to shop for a while..
A sign of relief came when i saw the end product of it... my room is clean again i wonder how can i live in that kind of mess haha.... i hv learn a lesson from this spring cleaning...
Spend the first day of this new year with Sharon, we went to watch a comedy show Night at Musem. Quite light hearted movie.
Then we headed straight to Ya Kun for coffee... talk a fair bit.. talk about the people we know.. about the past, present and future :) guess i have always like her company though technically speaking both of us are quite similar in some ways. Thank God for friends that go through life together and brave through storms.. Sab, Sharon and I three of us are so different in character.. yet i wonder what hold us together for so many years.. God must be the 'glue' in between us that hold the friendship.
Of cos along the way, God brought in friends to help us in the walk with Him and in this Cell i have make a few close ones. Indeed, i do pray that all our friendship will not change through out the different seasons of our life :) Use to be in relationship and used to 'worship' my boyfriend like god... my whole world used to involved around him and thus i neglected my friends.. and when he is no longer around, my world fell apart and it took me great pain to learn this vaulable lesson.
So from then, i have learn to treasure friendship especially those whom i hold close.. i will try to protect them and keep them from harm not to let other people bully of take advantage of them.. haha.. sounds like a big sister big.. but indeed im the oldest among them hehe..
Spring Cleaning
Have been procrastinating to clean up my room for a very long time finally... the dust.. cobwebs that has been accumlated for months has been wipe out! Hahah.. i think its a good start for a new year.
Can you imagine? I started to do spring cleaning on 12noon... it may sound too exeragerting.. i done my clean up around till 8pm!!! Gosh!! so freaking tired.. am i cleaning a palaca or wat it took about 8 hours to clear my rooms. I realise that i got 9 new pairs of shoes that i have bought that yet to wear.. 3 boxes of bags that i have not use for a long time and many many accessories... opps... so that leave me with no excuses to shop for a while..
A sign of relief came when i saw the end product of it... my room is clean again i wonder how can i live in that kind of mess haha.... i hv learn a lesson from this spring cleaning...
- Never procrastinate the things that was intended to do or else in the end you will end up clearing more and more dust and cobwebs
- Make up your mind to do spring cleaning regualry
- Be ruthless and throw away those unnecessary stuffs which u used to cherish them it will occupy more space in the end!
In spiritual aspects.. dont left your problems and things left unattended.. the more you drag on the more emotional bagages you will accumlate. As a result you will take longer time to heal.. Do stock-take in your life.. and see how far you have gone and how much more to go.. Finally be ruthless to those unnecessary memories.. how can the new ones come in while u still cling on to the old? :)
Haha.. so much so for this new year... i pray this year will be the best year yet!
Monday, January 01, 2007
Reflections of 2006..
Here it comes.. finally 2006 is history and it marks down the new birth of an other New Year 2007. Looking back, 2006 has been one of the most exciting and challenging year so far for me. Since after i came back to God, i have been cruising my life like the ship that has taken a long vacation.
Last Year was not a bad year after all, get to go to Hong Kong with some wonderful people and its a memorable trip that i guess i will not be able to forget for a very long time :) But life goes on and it will the best part of memories that i used to have with my friends.
Begining January...
One of the higlights i witness is the proposal of my pal Sab and Edwin.. love so sweet so pure finally they are together :) I really wonder wat went thru on Sab's mind when Edwin took out the ultimate ring? Haha.. Its a happy ending for them and it will begining a new chapter for them.
Loving Feburary...
Hmm.. after going one big round John and Louisa are finally together :) cant help but to feel happy as im in the part of the middle person to bring them together.. If this one whole year i didnt do anything good, guess this will be the best thing i have ever done! i didnt know that i can be a good matchmaker hehe.. All the best folks! U will have a beautiful life ahead.
Having lunch with the pioneers in church are so unforgetable too.. Seeing all my old friends in church and makes me realised how times really pass me by so fast.. Never forget the moment that Pastor Kong still remember me i feel so privilege to be part of this move of God.
Transition March...
It was a month i thought and come into realisation that people are not with u forever. People change and because change is the constant thing in life we have to get used to it. Im someone who doesnt really like changes very much, i hate it when u have to get to know unfamiliar person or situations all over again. But i guess thats unavoidable, just like how i see my close friends seeing one by one getting married or attached, it left me so insecure and afraid about what my future will hold for me. Well, i have learn to deal with it then and its a constant battle that you have to renew my mind :) i will emerge!
Foolish April...
Never thought that i will do something like this. Guess it will be my first time and last time to do that.... Going to tic tac toe.. Gosh! You wont believe it i know.. i really dont enjoy it! While many people are having fun and good reveiws about it.. personally i will not go for such set up event anymore! Feel so out of place, feel like a fish out of water kind.. you name it you have it. hehe...
Emerging May...
Went for operations that month.. doctor found cyst grown near my ovary.. seriously all along i have never stayed in hospital in my whole life and it sure scare me to death that week when i was admitted to the hospital. The operating therate was sure was cool and scary, but the friendly nurses and the skillful doctor did warm my anxious heart when i was there.
Haha.. I thought i will never see tomorrow :) guess i got much unfinished business to do here on earth thats why God is still perserving me. I was grateful to the people who visited me.. my cell group mates and my family members and friend and my kodomo... haha.. These are the people who stood by me :) Thank U all!
Discovery June...
I admit that im not a woman of many talents.. many times i thought that the only talent i have is the gift of gab ... to talk and talk.. but during June period it was one of the most difficult period to go through. I was jobless and everything in my life seems to be in a deep dark valley... but the funny part is when i was in my valley ... i actually discover i have another talent yet to unleash to the fullest potential.
As i was very depress without a job and was very stress thinking of how to meet ends need. At that time i have alot of time to work with computer and blog and check my emails etc... and just somehow.. creative juice flow out of me to compose peoms about my life and also peom for my friends.. I was truely very amazed by this hidden talent that has been discovered.. Hm.. i wonder how many more talent i have :)
Thankful July...
I got a job on time :) and was very happy then when things start to get into place. God came thru for me again this time.. How can i ever not thank Him for all the things that is happening in my life? Celebrated my birthday too with a bunch of good supporting friends. And im just so happy that my path cross with all these wonderful people.
Lazy August...
Lazy to write... cant really want happen on that month.
Poetic September...
Guess on September i wrote the most peom.. it reveals how i feel.. dont wish to explain further.
Excuses October...
????? Lazines or forgetulness took over again...
Sweet November...
Looks like when the year is coming to close .. the lesser i wrote.. hehe..
Happy December...
Here it comes.. finally 2006 is history and it marks down the new birth of an other New Year 2007. Looking back, 2006 has been one of the most exciting and challenging year so far for me. Since after i came back to God, i have been cruising my life like the ship that has taken a long vacation.
Last Year was not a bad year after all, get to go to Hong Kong with some wonderful people and its a memorable trip that i guess i will not be able to forget for a very long time :) But life goes on and it will the best part of memories that i used to have with my friends.
Begining January...
One of the higlights i witness is the proposal of my pal Sab and Edwin.. love so sweet so pure finally they are together :) I really wonder wat went thru on Sab's mind when Edwin took out the ultimate ring? Haha.. Its a happy ending for them and it will begining a new chapter for them.
Loving Feburary...
Hmm.. after going one big round John and Louisa are finally together :) cant help but to feel happy as im in the part of the middle person to bring them together.. If this one whole year i didnt do anything good, guess this will be the best thing i have ever done! i didnt know that i can be a good matchmaker hehe.. All the best folks! U will have a beautiful life ahead.
Having lunch with the pioneers in church are so unforgetable too.. Seeing all my old friends in church and makes me realised how times really pass me by so fast.. Never forget the moment that Pastor Kong still remember me i feel so privilege to be part of this move of God.
Transition March...
It was a month i thought and come into realisation that people are not with u forever. People change and because change is the constant thing in life we have to get used to it. Im someone who doesnt really like changes very much, i hate it when u have to get to know unfamiliar person or situations all over again. But i guess thats unavoidable, just like how i see my close friends seeing one by one getting married or attached, it left me so insecure and afraid about what my future will hold for me. Well, i have learn to deal with it then and its a constant battle that you have to renew my mind :) i will emerge!
Foolish April...
Never thought that i will do something like this. Guess it will be my first time and last time to do that.... Going to tic tac toe.. Gosh! You wont believe it i know.. i really dont enjoy it! While many people are having fun and good reveiws about it.. personally i will not go for such set up event anymore! Feel so out of place, feel like a fish out of water kind.. you name it you have it. hehe...
Emerging May...
Went for operations that month.. doctor found cyst grown near my ovary.. seriously all along i have never stayed in hospital in my whole life and it sure scare me to death that week when i was admitted to the hospital. The operating therate was sure was cool and scary, but the friendly nurses and the skillful doctor did warm my anxious heart when i was there.
Haha.. I thought i will never see tomorrow :) guess i got much unfinished business to do here on earth thats why God is still perserving me. I was grateful to the people who visited me.. my cell group mates and my family members and friend and my kodomo... haha.. These are the people who stood by me :) Thank U all!
Discovery June...
I admit that im not a woman of many talents.. many times i thought that the only talent i have is the gift of gab ... to talk and talk.. but during June period it was one of the most difficult period to go through. I was jobless and everything in my life seems to be in a deep dark valley... but the funny part is when i was in my valley ... i actually discover i have another talent yet to unleash to the fullest potential.
As i was very depress without a job and was very stress thinking of how to meet ends need. At that time i have alot of time to work with computer and blog and check my emails etc... and just somehow.. creative juice flow out of me to compose peoms about my life and also peom for my friends.. I was truely very amazed by this hidden talent that has been discovered.. Hm.. i wonder how many more talent i have :)
Thankful July...
I got a job on time :) and was very happy then when things start to get into place. God came thru for me again this time.. How can i ever not thank Him for all the things that is happening in my life? Celebrated my birthday too with a bunch of good supporting friends. And im just so happy that my path cross with all these wonderful people.
Lazy August...
Lazy to write... cant really want happen on that month.
Poetic September...
Guess on September i wrote the most peom.. it reveals how i feel.. dont wish to explain further.
Excuses October...
????? Lazines or forgetulness took over again...
Sweet November...
Looks like when the year is coming to close .. the lesser i wrote.. hehe..
Happy December...
Very happy in December.. good weather... long holidays.. and enjoyed fun time shopping for gifts for people i cherished. Feel happy as they like the gifts i have given.. its the joy of giving during this season Ho.. Ho.. Ho.. Went to Jason's house for Chrismas it was nice and most of us gather there to have a nice steamy steam boat...
Last nite went few of us gather at Louisa & John new house to watch fire works and countdown.. indeed it was fun though...
So much so for 2006... victories and defeats, happiness and sadness, leaving and reuniting, death and separation, heartaches and pain, disappointed heart turns hopeful again. etc.. After all God is still unchanged. He is still the same Abba when i call at nite. He is the pillar of support that i have held on to for so many years.. He is still that silent listener whenever my heart desires..
Yes.. indeed 2007 will be a better year than 2006... yes... i will walk another year of victories and though great is my fear.. but greater will be my courage! Without fear there will be no courage! :)
Goodbye 2006.... Welcome 2007....
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