A very outdated post from last year...
Havent been working since Jan, but I have not looked back since. I am enjoying my breaks and my runs.. while I try to keep fit. Finding work has been a challenge due to the market now... but i know i have to keep my chins up. I cant allow myself to sink! I have to fight on and find a spot in the market place.
I took a small break, went to Krabi with Jo in March for her Birthday. It was our first trip together and Krabi is such a beautiful place.
Beautiful beaches and what a nice place to laze around doing nothing but taking our time slowly with all the swims and the massages.. Jo and I was at our love crossroads. She had her challenges and so am I. Many times i wonder why are we always under the mercy of the ones we love? Those guys we love really screw us big time! Our desires are for them and yet we have to play the mind game.
Amos knew i like him though we didnt speak about it... He wanted his space and i will respect that, to me he is like a fragile glass... anytime will break. I have to be in the game and be careful while handling him. I am not sure if this is love? I have been patient with him. It really hurts me when he share his issues with me. I really want him to be happy. I guess when u love someone, happiness is vital to the other person even if the happiness doesnt include me, sounds noble? haha.. i am more giving when comes to love. Maybe i am just being stupid. It is hard for me to like someone. Not that my standard is high, but i guess... when you find someone you really like, you will break the rules for him.
I remember after when i came back from Krabi, Amos went to Phuket for training session for couple of days. After when he is back, we text and he showed me his training pictures there. Then the next week he was in Krabi. He took some pics of the rooms and it was beautiful. I saw his comment on FB that he is going to live like a King for next few days... then comments from his frens starting pouring in.. like whr is his Queen? He mentioned not around :) ... well to be honest i was very upset, at first i thought that he is going to Krabi with another woman... you know how woman mind tend to wonder... and start to imagine things... i told myself what position am i to be angry or upset? That week while he is in Krabi, my whole emotions when roller coaster.. into my cave-ing mood.
Then few days ago i got his missed call, and i text him back. He mentioned that he pressed the number by mistake and he is still in Krabi... TMD... I took this chance to ask him why he is there.. immediately he sent me a picture of his sister's family together. He was in Krabi to visit his Sister and spent time with her for her final days... A sign of relieve came over me and i was glad that he was with his family. How stupid am i to be so emo all the days that he is in Krabi. How damn insecure i feel about myself. But i was happy on the hind sight cos he did bother to explain and showed me those pic. He is a clever guy. I am sure he could sense the uncertain feelings over here. What a joke! I emo for nothing over those few days! TMD again!
Today, it was my bonus days! Amos texted me and this time is not by mistakes. haha.. he ask me how am i etc... and i wanted to see him for his birthday coming 2 April. But this lazy boy, no car means no out.. but he promise we will do dinner next week when his car is back. Oh well... i talk about giving him space and not to push him, he understands and he appreciate me for being understanding.
I guess our relations is going to a long over-haul.. not sure where this is going to lead us. But i know, if i want to be him and wanted to be for him, i have to be patient.. Love can be simple yet complicated.
Got a text from Amos, his sister has finally passed on, cancer has taken her after battling for so long.. I guess he has no regrets, he has spent her last days with her and I know life hasnt been fair for him, but I guess that is life and life itself.
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