Kang Tan & I Part II


Pictures of me and Kang Tan together ... dont u think she is so cool with her new found sunglass :)

His Instrument

God let me be your light to shine through darkness
Cause your light to shine on me Lord so they will see you in me

God let me be your heart to feel the hurting
When there is need arises i will touch them with your healing

Let me be an instrument of your love to reach out
in this cold world where all hatred and strife is all about

God let it be me as i obey your call
Little by little even it pains to surrender to give you my all

You have been my help and strength in times of troubles
You are the one i call upon when i thought my life is over

And with what i have i will give it back to you for your use
because of the love i have for u i will render it back all to you

An Afternoon With My God mum


I was at home the whole day... counting my cost deciding which company to be in.. so i was mending my own business and my god mum came down today to bring food for my granny. Yes tonight, im going to write about her...

Since young growing up in my granny's house, i always heard many good report about her, how she is so fillial to the elders and how good she is and she has always been an example for all of us to follow... she works hard without complaining... a typical virtuous wife that you can find in the bible Proverbs 31

Though she is a good woman and deserves a man to love her whole heartedly but life is always so full of twist and turn... we expect good woman will end up marrying a good man, but its always the other way round..

My uncle has not been a faithful man to her for many years and he is a hard core gambler i should say he is the 'black sheep' in the family... everytime things started and happen bcos of him. Throughout my growing up years, i witness many unpleasant things.

Years past, by God's grace, i was the first christian in my family, i recalled at that time when God touched my world from that moment i knew life took a new turn then follow by my sister but now she is far from God. And later on i witness to my cousin Dave which is my godmum's son. What the bible say is so true.. if one is saved, eventually the whole household will be saved..

My cousin witness to my godmum, eventually thank God she gave her heart to HIM. I can see that dramatic change in my godmum when God came into her heart.. she was so changed and she threw away all her idols that she has worship all her life! Suddenly i thought i saw a new woman :) a woman full of strength and so much peace within her.. she is no longer the sad face lady full of life toil on her face, infact she is glowing with God's love.

Today she came down and came to my room, we had a long talk, we talk about life, talk about God and i asked her if ever she thought of leaving my uncle since he is in a very bad shape now.. she say she didnt want to leave him, she say bcos of God's love that is in her, she has learn to forgive and let go and move on with God. I could feel so much love and peace of God came within her :) for a moment, i thought i have backslided.. haha.. sometimes i feel so pai seh compare to her passion for God and mine is a long distance away..

I prayed for her.. haha first time in chinese..and ministered to her and we cried, God is in our midst in my humble room.. tears of gratitude for God seems to flow uncontrollably from our eyes.. God is faithful and He will take care of us.

Then my Godmum so sweet, she in turn ask me if i have someone in mind... i am so shy.. haha.. dont really know how to answer her, all i ask her is to pray for me.. then without hesitation, she grab my hands close eyes and prayed in chinese and Teo Chew.. though the prayer for a husband from her seems simple but its so full of love and sincerity.. she was asking God to bring my knight to me, a harvester to protect and take care of me, someone that is true... etc..

i chuckled while she prayed i felt so sweet, God must have heard her.. haha.. so we end our day with prayer and a big hug! What an afternoon with her and i know that my man is on the making...

And ending that leads a new begining..

Yes, its in the middle of the nite again... and back to blog today.. actually was about to go to sleep but one of my friend ask me to watch a show in channel U " How to say I do". Its a show about telling and expressing how people felt towards each other.

And today there is a lady who has make up her mind and today she is going to express her liking to a friend of hers that she has been carrying a touch for him for 5 long years. They have known each other for 10 years being school friends etc.. i wonder where did she gather all her courage to express how she feel? I guess it must be very tormenting liking someone yet cant seems to recipocate back her feelings.. so she decided to seek media help hoping that that man that she harbour liking for will say Yes to her..

Much work and preparation is done for her.. she went the extra mile to do her hairdos.. manice and pettie cure, seek professionals abt her out fit etc... many days work just simply wait for that special day to come just to impress someone she really hope to be with..

The moment of truth came, they decided to fix him up at one of the resturant and when the celebrity brought him to her, and when the curtain is drawn, i can see the awarkardness in the man's eyes.. yes to a certain extend i guess he must be touched by her sincerity..

Then for the lady.. she gathers her courage by singing a chinese song 'Love requires courage' then she tell him how she feels.. the liking for him for years seems to take into a different height. She is just so in love with him.. and she bravely expressed out her fondness to him.. oh man.. its so touching.. i cried :) its such and emotional sight, if a man i like will to do that.. i will say yes without any hesitations.

But reality is cruel after all... whatever the lady effort that has been done for many days all is being exchange for one sentence from the man...' its best we are better off as friends' i can see tears swell up in her eyes.. i cried with her too.. it sounded so silly.. as if im just like her.. i can understand how she must have felt. She is so brave, if for me i dont know how to take a 'No" for and answer if a man i like rejected me out front on national TV.

All her hopes that she longs to be with him has been crushed instanteously without betting an eye lid, truth really hurts but i guess its better off this way.. rather than pinning and hoping at guessing and thinking whether he loves me or he loves me not..least it came to an end of her dreams being with him.. i think it may do the lady good so that she can move on with her life to really seek out the man who really love and cherish her, life is too short to be wasted on just a man's rejection:) today's rejection maybe tomorrow accepectance from another person... so as long as we dont give up finding the right one.. im sure we will meet one day :)

Thats life i guess, im sure she will be stronger and its that man lost anyway. I always believe that love works both ways. It will not be fair if one party gives more all the time :)

Well i do hope he will do that too :) but sometimes somethings in life is not up to us to decide. I always wonder will he be the one for me? We are so different in many ways yet i like his character :) that is why it attracts me to him. So what if feelings for both of us are mutual but yet cant be together? So much hesitations and uncertainities that lies ahead of us.

Seriously i cant really think so much now for myself, so many urgent issues on hand and i have just to put aside my own agenda for awhile...i miss him though.. not use of having him not around :) as he is away serving the nation.. he will be gone for weeks.. well life goes on... and on...

This peom was written for Louisa and and John.. it was meant for them as i have promise to write for them for their wedding card.

Here it goes..

Two hearts two lives
So differently made but now they beat as one
This love so sweet yet so divine
Happily seeing them leading a new life
Who would have thought they are make for each other?
It must be God who brought them together
So with all the well wishes from family and friends
To the newly couple may they marriage will be bliss forever.

Take Me Back....

Take me back to the first time where we first met
Take me back to the first love where my heart is intact

Take me back to the place where we used to gather
With you beside me so much faith, joy and laughter

Take me back to your presence Lord
Where grace is found when I surrender all

Oh take me back and lead me on forever
Under your wings as we soar together

As I place all my hopes and dreams in you my master and friend
I know my future is in good hands

Heaven

Some say heaven is a place where everyone longs to go
A place no pain or sorrow

Some say heaven is a place where we can play all day
And forgetting all our troubles away

But I say heaven is a place where we meet God face to face
And worshiping Him together all day

Heaven is a place where there is no tears
As God has already drive away all fears

Heaven is a place where sadness disappear
Because God is always near

So I say heaven is a wonderful place to stay
Where all the saints will gather there one day

Walking with Him

There are moments that we go through mountain tops
There are moments that we go through deep valleys

But I know no matter where you go Lord
My heart will always follow

There are times I may sulk like little child
As things in my life is not what I thought all about

But again because of your unfailing love that never ceases
It gives me reason to believe that all these while you are here right beside me

Being with you on this journey can be anticipating
As each step i may not know where you are leading

So Lord please be my heartbeat when mine is hurting
Be my feet when my strength is failing
Be my guide when my sight is weakening

Help me to complete my walk with you
because you are my God since my youth

Some day i will see you face to face
And one thing i will do forever is to be in your warm embrace

Depression

Deeper and deeper to the valley I go
Not knowing when my life is going to be unfold

Been in this circle for so long
Up and down this coaster ride for gone

Wish that I will be out of this pit
But who can really help me out of it

Friends along me started to cheer me up
But I know I can only be the one who can gear myself up

Don’t know when this monster will go away
So that I can go out to the field and play

Friendship with all of you ...


Hahaha... er... nothing much.. but just a quick snap shot ..
i took together with Kan Tan today... haha.. Nice :) power! Hey Kan Tan.. Thanks for your friendship.. Let me recap what we learn in cell today.. Our character is tested.. in the daily.. or should i say weekly irritation? haha.. tks for allowing me to "irritate" or "disturb" you weekly :) cheers to our friendship..



Nothing beats in the company of many good friends.. thanks for making my birthday such a memorable one :) Though my oil king has not arrive yet.. But God surrounds me with many good friends to be with me on this day. Cant thank you people enough.... May we all grow old together :)

Hey John: whr is my man hunt? Got pray for me boh?
Kan tan : if you want your cafe fast.. pray more than 3 times can? hahaah.. hurry up.. time is ticking liao... tick tock.. tick tock...

When God Seems Silent

Finally broke into writing my blog again. Yes its in the middle of the night while the whole world is half asleep. When back home.. feeling stunned, amazed, over wheelemed by His grace once again. Yes He did it again for me :) He is like a superman that come to my rescue just in time of need. He is like the hero that rescue me from the hands of the villians and take me back into His arms. He is ever so faithful when im so faithless, He is the hope of the dawn and the light of the tunnel. Yes He is my God, my help, my comforter in times of need...

Looking back, one and half months ago I was in my pit. Pit of despair, pit that i thought i will take a long time to come out of it. I have an obstacle to go through, im looking for a job and i need to find one fast to meet ends needs. I have try all ways and not to be passive about it... but "luck" seems not to be on myside. Those jobs that i wanted always never seems to pass by my way... I was very discourage.. funds are depleting and im into my panick mode. I went into depression, but however i almost wanted to give up but i didnt..

Many times i wanted too.. but i tell myself surely there will be a job for me. Edwin, Meijie & Martin got they job on the spot and i didnt even have any offer coming in. I grin with envyness and i wish God will quicken His favour towards me. I felt forsaken.. abandon.. thrown aside and left to "die" and survive on my own. Felt God must have forsaken me.. i cried.. i whined.. i pleaded with God many nights but nothing seems to work.

But i kept on going.. the waiting part is the most daunting and unbearable, i tithle to God my last pay check, i give offerings beyond the normal giving, just to grab God attention and make His head turn towards me in hope that He may take notice of my giving.

Last two weeks i cant feel God, though service and cell group is good i just somehow feel miles apart from Him. I do a spiritual check and i realise that... my heart is begining to harden and cold.. where is that passion for Him has gone too? I think im overly disappointed with life, and everything around me i wonder will i really get to see the light after the tunnel?

Just as i was really beyond discouragement, i even told Jane if there is a mountain i want to run and hide so tat at least i dont have to look so down and beaten.. haha im so useless all i want to think of is to run and hide away from people and circumstances.Im really at my lowest peak... how much further i can go? Sleepless nite, fund depleting, so stressful ...

Miracles came to me on Friday while i was at home preparing to go out for another so call interview... I recieve a call from this company and so i decided to give a try... Lo and behold when i lest expected, miracles awaits to be unfold. I got the JOB! Yes no joke... its not a prank .. i got a job and when it came so suddenly.. i almost cant breathe.... Finally i thought to myself God has finally set His eyes on me! He finally set His miracles for me.. just for ME! All in all the job was a jump for me to another level. An executive position that enable me to travel with SEA region. It was like a dream coming true :) I have always wanted to do regional role as a HR person and it will be a good opportunity for growth.

Coming to think of it, i realise that life is really so unpredictable, yesterday was feeling like in the pit of hell looking for an exit, the next moment before you know it you are on your way to heaven. God comes in when i least expected it and each day is like a brand new day awaiting for new things new miracles to be unfold. Never say never in life thats for sure in life and life itself is never guaranteed.

Attitude Of Gratitude

During the last two weeks which when im at my lowest moment point of my life, i thought that it my life is going to be it.. hopless.. aimless.. and i felt God miles away from me really. But my cell members came in as God's hand and love at my lowest moments... they extended their concern for me and they are always so believing when my faith seems low...

So i wish to thank the following angels that have come by my way to encourage me and see me thru...

Thow Wee: You always amazes me :) really, you are so encouraging when i cant find my way.. and yet week in week out your smses.. call and prayer are so uplifting. During this time, you have been a great help :) though you may not think you have done alot but i think you have done whatever you could to help me. Thanks friend... looks like we are going up the valley again and this journey with you have been exciting..

Laurel: Remember the lunch you bought me the other day on Prem's birthday? We spoke much and you understand much :) Until now... my stomach is still craving for the chicken pepper steak. Anymore treat from you? haha... Thanks, it really warms my heart. And i know you have share my joy too :)

Ah Beng: Ah Beng ah beng... thanks for your wonderful idea of setting up the stall outside expo hall ... haha.. too bad i dont need liao nor i need to call for .." Tissue paper... tissue paper.. i want to call call call call... the tissue paper." hehehe... thanks ah beng for being so funi at times.. Thanks for your support too :)

Sharon: What can i say about you.. :) haha.. im beyond words. We seems to have the same kind of thinking at times and our friendship are rather unique. Thanks for your concern and love over all these years.. i do get to see the lighter side of you now.. hehee.. Thanks for your card and indeed all things will work out good to those who love God. May you find your career break thru soon.. believing with you :)

Sabrina: Hey sleeping pill.. i thank God for you too. I guess you do understand how i feel and thanks for the time u stood there listening.. You are such a blessing to have as a friend... Remember that Sunday you pass me an envolpe i was so touched by the love gift you give.. though it may not be millions.. haha.. but i do feel the love you have for me :) Thanks for standing by me.

Edwin: Hey edwin... though you beat me in getting the job first but however... we started work on the same day LOL :) Thanks for the encouragement you have shown and may we thrive on our careers... Lets shine for God in the market places..

Louisa: You have been my support all these while whether outwardly or inwardly. Your inner strength and sensitivity always amazes me. Thanks for being my friend and you have been a great " driver" to me all these while hahaa.. tks so much for all your prayers and love :)

John: I will never forget how 3 of us held hands in Louisa's car and prayed. Your prayers are always so sincere and true and so POWER..haha.. God must have heard you and He quicken my process of my job hunt.. Now i have another task for you..please help me pray for my 'man hunt' haha ..

Ling Siang: As i have said before you are one of the best leader anyone could ever have, thanks for being there and standing by believing with me :)

Chau Chau: Superman.. though your show is not so SUPER.. but i still think you are superb :) thanks for praying for me with siang in church that week for my job... Er.. i promise.. i will still continue to cause you to be long suffering.. haha..

Na Na: Dont know if you got a chance to read this blog, if you do, just want to let you know that your sms and calls always comes least expected haha.. hmm... i enjoy your friendship! You so fun to be with! Thanks for your encouragement.

Xiao Mei : I know you have been worried for me thanks for your prayers... and now... haha.. we can go shopping again liao.

Simon: Though we may not talk alot even if we do.. i always like to tease and 'swan' you but hor i remember your msn telling me not to be disheartened when i m feeling low.. and it gave me hope to hope again :)

Jane: Kan tang.. kan tang... thanks for the whining and sighing i hv given you.. haha.. i know u care for me :) thanks for being so positive... and your blog is always so inspiring write more k.

Joyce: You have been a fun person to hang out with.. though we may be in the same boat at that time without a job u still encourage me :) i pray that your job will come soon too.. and its been fun knowing you.. Thanks for the friendship you hv given.

debbie: Just started to know you at first i thought you are a quiet person who doesnt talk much, but hor.. as the days goes by.. im wrong haha.. still water runs deep.. you are indeed one of them :) Hope to get to know you better in time to come..

Shufen: Thanks for your concern too and your support :) Hope to get to know you better.

Too much to write and too many people to thank for :) I guess all friends are God sent. I want to thank my family too especially my ah ma.. she has been my support all these while, and bearing my nonsense at home hahaha.. thanking her that she did not nag at me... hahaaha.. I love you ah ma! Not forgetting my sister, she has been quite concern for me too!

But most of all i want to thank God :) for everything.. for giving me all these friends and family memebers to hold during those stormy moments. Thanks you Jesus... you are indeed my SUPERMAN!

Got to go... till then.. stay tune for more blogs.. and let the other part of my new journey life begins..

(This is a poem I have spent thru the nite to compose for Prem, for his birthday... Hope he will like it)


I Live For Him

Before I know it I was born
into this world full of thorns

Where there is hatred and constant fight
I always fend my life with all my might

Every day when Im awake
decision upon decision I have to make

So many times I done it wrong
and I thought all my future is gone

Life to me seems ableak
and I thought I may not make it

Just as I thought I will drown my sorrows
but you came into my life an give me a tomorrow

Your light seems to came into me
to penetrate my inner being

So today as I stand
in the company of many good friends

Through thick and thin
they have been
but nothing beats the strength from within

As today I grow a year older
I pray I will be one year wiser

Now I can say today is really my day
as I will live my life nothing but by God's way

Living in a closet

Who is this little girl living inside my closet?
Why is she trying to hide?

Running away from her past
Hiding this shell behind
Here is that little gal who used to gone astray
When life seems cant let have her way

Past seems like a leech that always stick
But here she is determine to come out it

Talk to an angel friend that day
As that little girl seems to lost her way

That angel asked her to let the leech go
So that the real girl inside her can glow

Hard for this little girl it may seems
But friends cheers kept comimg in
To give her courage that she need

So from now till then
This little girl in the closet is coming out
slowly but surely
with confidence, boldness and with a shout

As break through is on its way
Come on girl
Dont you stray, hold fast to your belief
Dont give up halfway

Cloudy days and stormy nights will soon go away

Sanctuary

When my world was in darkness
You spoke your word
Night turn into day
Your beauty filled this place

When my world stood in silence
You filled my heart with songs that never end
Forever I will Praise

To think that the univese could not withhold your glory
you choose to live in me
Im so amazed

And I worship you Lord
My life in you restored
Here is my heart make it your sanctuary
For nobody else but Jesus only you

You are faithful and true
Glorious Lord all my life its you I adore

You've touched my soul
Completed my world
I surrender to you

And I worship you Lord
My life you restored
Here is my heart make it your sancturay
For nobody else but Jesus only you

Staying Young

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry
about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. (Keep Me! Keep Me! :) The grouches pull you down. (Keep this In
mind if you are one of those grouches.)

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the
brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who
makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM / HER.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire
life, is yourself. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love. Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants,
hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. How about your relationship with God?

8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what
you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country,
but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

My Spiritual Family :)

Blog

Realise that my blog was actually read by some of the close sisters almost daily... haha they told me that they are my 'die hard fans'... so in order not to disappoint them.. i will try to write something everyday whenever i can...

Actually, im not someone who likes to reveal much of my inner thoughts as im afraid i will get vunerable while people will ask me if im okay or not thru my writings. The only thing i show my blogs to closer ones is because as i write... they can also keep a look out for me in my life. I still need friends to be accountable for :) due to busy schedules for most Singaporeans most ppl log on to the computer more than to calling friends... so i guess when they popped by this blog at least we can keep watched over each other's being :P

I used to write journal since young, not sure from where i have learn to cultivate this habit of writing however I find it very theraputic when i jot my thoughts down. Whenever im down and out... whenever im feeling over the moon.. i like to write it down. And once is over and done with i felt as if tons of feelings has been loaded off my chest and i can continue my journey again :)

I was introduce to blog by Louisa and since then my journal diary has been emptied to online. I find it good as its easy to retrieve and i think its away to save the forest trees hahha..

Just wanna to thank all who are sharing this blog with me... thank you for watching over me :)

A fall

Got home today feeling abit sick after going for an interview... was supposed to be in bible class but i didnt make it :(

I took shower and behold... i fell on my back and hurt my head and hip bone... never did i have that kind of fall and the impact was really bad.. i was blackout in my shower room and my auntie heard the noise and she called me.. i heard her voice and i somehow woke up.. my head hurts and my hip bone is so painful..

But thank God, at least im able to stay awake thru out.. My grandma was at my sister's place i give them a call... i was crying ... hahah.. feeling like a baby.. how i wish someone is there to hold me it will ease my pain..

My granny rush back with my sister and my brother in law... they are so kind.. :) i knew im so loved by them. My sis took ice cube to put on my head and rub on my back.. :) hmm.. maybe she should be a nurse instead.. and as she was rubbing my brusies... out of no where suddenly she sing that "Da chang jin" song... wu la la .. wu la la... hahah.. she say she is chang jin number two.. bet she can still joke while im still in pain..

I still finds it funny and i thank God for my family that loves me :)

Waiting on God...

This morning i was a woken up by an sms. It was from a sister whom im close with :) Though im still struggling to wake up, i stayed in bed and reached out for my handphone. It was a real pleasant surprised to see her sms. I always felt very affirmed and encouraged by her messages and concern for me :0)

She was telling me that i was in her mind this morning (its good to be remembered especially in the morning) and how she is bless by the friendship i have given her etc... wow i thought wat a great day to start off with those encouragement.

I remember one thing she said, she said that God maybe wants me to be single for just a while more before my heart finding a home. To me.. haha.. the first thought is what's got to do when u are hitched and ministry. hmm... maybe God knows that i can be more focus and He must have know how i emotionally attached i will be hee... hee...

Its always good to have someone to share ur ups and downs.. guess life will be different when u have found someone. But i do hope that i will not be so man focus even if God give me the man of my dreams.. hahah... my "oil king".. haha..

Like what i say before, life is more meaningful when u reach out and bless others together with my future partner to serve God together :)

Many times i used to think and struggle will such day come? Where all the sisters are talking about weddings.. marriage.. proposal... rings.. houses.. relationship stuff.. at that nite of fellowhsip, it really left me thinking.. what if... what if tat day it didnt come? Will i still hold on? Will i just cruise on life disappointed.. haha.. i pray God will forbide that! I always wanted to have a family.. i want to raise up godly kids.. to learn to put others first and teach them the ways of God. Seriously i pray and hope that the wait will not be so long...

just like wat the bible says in Ps 27: 14

Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait I say, on the LORD!

Many times like what the word says.. its the waiting part.. But how many of us here really wait on God's best? Many friends i know got tired and weary while waiting and they end up marrying their "Mr Right" but end up so wrong. I hope i wont come into that end.. Sometimes it seems so impossible but i must keep telling myself i must believe God is the giver of good things. He will come true for me... i dont know how? I dont know when.. maybe its just a step away, a line across or maybe miles apart, maybe in order process.. God knows whats best for us and i know somehow i will get to meet my "oil king" one day :)

Night Out With Er Mei Pie... Where are the Wu Dang Pie?